And I Lost You
by padfvvt
Summary: A prophecy forces Lily to reevaluate everything and everyone she loves. James risks everything for the people he loves. Sirius has great hair. It's a great time.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! This is the first Jily fanfiction I've ever published, written in part because I love Jily but mostly because I enjoy writing much more than studying for finals. Reviews are amazing and so are you. Hope you enjoy! Chapter 2 coming soon.

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Chapter 1

"Get off me!" Lily shrieked, punching and pummeling Marlene with her fists. "You bloody-get off me!"

Marlene only sprawled out more on Lily's bed, letting one of her hands fall right on top of Lily's face.

"I shall not," Marlene announced with dignity, easily fighting off Lily's attempts to unseat her. "I am quite comfortable here, thank you."

Lily growled and managed to extricate one arm, grabbing her wand from her bedside table. "Flipendo."

Marlene was thrown screaming from Lily's bed, landing in a painful heap on the floor. "Maniac!" she yelled up at Lily, who searched around for any guilt within herself but found none.

"You're the one who woke me up before sunrise on a Saturday, Marly," Lily reminded her grumpily.

"Fair enough," Marlene allowed, climbing to her feet and facing her friend, now keeping a slightly wary eye on Lily's wand.

"Who screamed? What's going on?" came Alice's sleepy voice from within her four-poster.

"Lily's trying to murder me," Marlene replied promptly.

"Excellent," an annoyed Mary snapped. "Get on with it, will you, Lils? I'm trying to sleep."

"So was I," Lily groaned, sinking her face back into her pillow. Marlene poked her in the side, and Lily turned wrathfully back to her. "What in Merlin's name is wrong with you?"

"Quidditch tryouts are coming up soon, and you said you'd come practice with me," Marlene whined.

Lily remembered now, although she still wasn't happy about it. "But we've barely been at school a week," she complained.  
"Every second counts, Lils," Marlene insisted. Lily realized at this point that no matter what she said, Marlene was not going to go away.

"Fine," Lily decided. "Give me five minutes to change."

Marlene lit up. "Yay! I'll go get your broom," she said, dashing out of the room. She paused at the door, turned around, and blew a kiss back to her best friend. "You're a saint!"

"I'm well aware," Lily agreed, pulling a sweatshirt on over her tank top and throwing her hair into a loose ponytail.

Within ten minutes, the girls were on the pitch. The cool, crisp morning air hit Lily's face, and after the initial jolt, she found herself enjoying it. Her eyes were bright and alert now, her cheeks pink from the wind, and a few tendrils of hair had escaped from her ponytail and were dancing around her face. "Well, let's get this over with."

She climbed onto her Cleansweep and kicked off, enjoying, as she always did, the swooping feeling in her stomach as she left the earth suddenly behind her and soared into the sky, towards the sun that was just beginning to rise. She had missed this. Lily had never played Quidditch-organized sports never had been her style, especially not with a manic James Potter as the Gryffindor captain-but she adored flying. She was good at it, too, and she and Marlene had spent many an afternoon on the pitch, throwing a Quaffle back and forth and practicing dives and flips. Marlene slowed to a stop at her side now, Quaffle under her arm.

"Let's go."

Lily lost track of the time as they flew, weaving in and out of the goalposts and alternately diving to catch the Quaffle before it could hit the ground. Marlene had decided early on that she was too good for the Gryffindor team already and did not really need practice, so now they were racing each other around the pitch, Marlene in the lead but with Lily not far behind. As Lily passed the goalposts at the far end of the field, a glint of scarlet below caught her eye. She chanced a glance downwards and realized with a start that it was James Potter, standing on the field in his Quidditch robes, holding his broomstick and watching the two girls as they streaked across the pitch. He caught Lily's eye, and she swore she could see the golden glint of his hazel eyes even from this distance.

Lily was forced unceremoniously back to reality as the tip of her broom hit the edge of Marlene's and sent both girls into a tailspin. Marlene regained control easily and grabbed hold of Lily's broom to stabilize it. "Merlin's beard, Lily, pay attention!" she yelled over her friend's shrieks.

"Are you okay?" James called from below. Lily quickly regained her composure.

"We're fine, no thanks to this idiot!" Marlene called cheerfully.

Under normal circumstances, James may have called out to Lily as well, to make sure that she was alright, but he stayed silent. Lily didn't look, but she may has well have-she knew that somber, defeated expression of his all too well. He wore it every time he saw her now.

Ever since the end of fifth year, when Sev finally lost it, Lily had been avoiding James just as energetically as she avoided Severus. Avoiding James was not precisely a new development, but for the rest of the year, quite uncharacteristically, James did not seek out Lily either. She was grateful for this, as she didn't think she could handle him tailing her around on top of everything else. But on the very last day of term, as they stood at the platform waiting for their parents, James had come up to Lily, looking unusually serious, and apologized for the day by the lake, both for being a prat and for pushing Severus over the edge. For once in her life, she was shocked into silence, and James went on to say, determinedly staring at the ground and looking more humble than she'd ever seen him, that he would leave her alone from now on. He left before she could find the words to respond, and she had simply watched him go, his arrogant swagger gone and his hands jammed in his pockets. Over the summer, she came to the realization that the end of friendship with Severus had really not been James' fault. It had been coming on for so long...but, she reminded herself. James had been, and always would be, an arrogant prat. And she pushed the image of his broken, pleading expression as he apologized out of her mind.

They barely interacted at all during sixth year. James stayed true to his word and left her well alone, and if she felt a pang when he walked past her without a word, if she missed hearing "Alright, Evans?" two or three times a day, or seeing the way his eyes lit up when he saw her coming, she didn't allow herself to dwell on it. "You're just missing all the attention," she told herself sternly. "Merlin's pants, you're as self-absorbed as Potter is."

So sixth year came and went, and Lily returned to the Muggle world for the summer. When the owl delivering her Head Girl badge came, she screamed so loudly that even Petunia came running, honestly scared that Lily had fallen and fractured her skull. Petunia tried valiantly to manufacture a smile as Lily's parents proudly hugged their youngest daughter, but quickly gave up and slunk away, scowling. Lily was touched by the effort, but when she knocked tentatively on Petunia's door later, she was answered only with a surly "go away." So Lily had given up and gone to write to Remus, telling him the good news and asking if he'd gotten Head Boy. When he replied, she sat in silence for a full ten minutes, staring at the letter in shock. James Potter-of all bloody people-was going to be Head Boy. Merlin's bloody pants.

She supposed, she reflected, chancing a second glance at him now as Marlene flew down to retrieve the Quaffle, the appointment made a little bit of sense. He had grown up quite a bit since fifth year. But that still didn't mean she was thrilled about having to work with him, or about the meeting the two of them would have with Dumbledore tonight to discuss their new responsibilities. Responsibility and James Potter...now that was a new concept. But Dumbledore had to know best, right?

James caught her looking at him again and turned away quickly when he saw her gaze on his. She averted her eyes as well, impatiently throwing her windswept hair over one shoulder and feeling her face flame red. Oh, yeah. This meeting was going to be great.

"Kill me now," she moaned to Marlene, who caught on immediately.

"Absolutely not. This will be hilarious," she grinned.

"You mock my pain," Lily accused.

"One of my favorite pastimes, darling."

The two girls stumbled into the dormitory a few hours later, sweaty and sore. Marlene immediately collapsed face-first onto her bed while Lily made a beeline for the shower to clean up before lunch.

As the warm water washed over her, she closed her eyes and began, not for the first time that day, to think of James Potter. He had evacuated the pitch rather hastily after their awkward encounter, and now she was more nervous than ever for the meeting that evening. This would be the first time they'd been in close contact since the end of fifth year and Lily had no idea how to handle that. What was she supposed to say to James Potter, of all people? They would have to work together for the next year, plan prefect rounds, organize inter-House celebrations, and oh, Merlin, she'd forgotten about the Head Dormitories. Of course, she hadn't really used them yet. They'd only been back at Hogwarts for a week, and Lily had decided she'd rather deal with Mary's incessant snoring and Marlene's hour-long showers in their shared bathroom than risk running into James Potter every morning if she chose to live in the luxury dormitory that was offered to the Head Girl every year. But even without living in close quarters, this year was setting up to be an absolute bloody mess.

When Lily got out of the shower, having blow-dried her hair with a simple Heating Charm, it was to find Mary sitting on her bed waiting for her. "Marlene and Alice went down to lunch," Mary said. "I said I'd wait for you."

"Thanks," Lily said, checking her eyeliner one last time in the mirror.  
"Hey, Lils?"

"Yeah?"  
"What are you going to do about James?"

Lily turned warily. "What do you mean?"

"Marlene told me about the incident on the pitch today. So you two still aren't talking?"

Lily shook her head. "I haven't really seen him at all."

"You mean you've been avoiding him."  
Lily's protests died on her lips. Mary smirked. "I know things are weird between you two, but you really need to talk to him."

"And what would I say?" Lily demanded. "What can I say?"

"Lily, why won't you talk to him?"

"What? I just told you…"

"No, forget about not knowing what to say, because you know that's not it. Why won't you talk to him?" Mary asked. "You don't blame him for Severus, do you?"

"Well…no," Lily spluttered. "Sev made his own choice. But James was being an arrogant, narcissistic…"

"James _changed_ , Lily!" Mary interrupted. "And you know that as well as I do."

"That doesn't make it alright," Lily said angrily.

"No, it doesn't. But you can't hold the mistakes he made in the past against him now," Mary said gently.

"I know," Lily admitted. "I know he's different now."

"So?"

"He won't talk to _me_ ," Lily whined, vaguely ashamed of how child-like she had just sounded.

Mary laughed. "Lily, he's James. He'll always want to talk to you. He just needs to know you're open to being friends with him. He knows he made a mistake, and he thinks you never want to see him or talk to him again. Is he wrong?"

"Well…"

" _Is he wrong?_ "

"Yes, he's wrong. I…" Lily took a deep breath. "I don't blame him at all."

Mary smiled, satisfied. "Then tell him so."

 _He's late_.

It was ten minutes after she and James had been asked to meet Dumbledore in his study, but she was standing alone outside of the Headmaster's door, trying to control her nerves by imaging ways she could murder Dumbledore for deciding that James Potter would make a good Head Boy. She was halfway through a particularly gruesome fabrication involving a few piranhas and a vampire or two when she heard footsteps approaching and turned. It was James, who ran one hand through his hair nervously as he came to stand in front of her and stared fixedly at the wall to her right.

"Alright, Evans?" he said in a low voice.

Maybe it was the way he said it, with a horrible undertone of defeat that was so unlike his usual laughing, joking tone, that gave her the courage to speak.

"Potter?" she began.

His mouth twitched slightly at the use of his surname, and his eyes shifted for a moment to hers.

"Yes?"

"I wanted you to know that I don't blame you," she blurted out. Immediately, she wanted to slap herself in the face. _Seriously?_ That's _how you decided to start out?_

But James didn't laugh. He looked slightly stunned and opened his mouth as if to respond, but Lily cut him off before she could lose her nerve.

"About Severus. You were being an arrogant prick, of course…"

James was beginning to smile now.

"…but what he said was not your fault. I know that now. And I know it's unfair to hold that against you. So starting now, I'm hoping that we can maybe be…" her voice trailed off, but James, who was definitely amused now, finished the sentence for her.

"Friends?"

"Yes," said Lily, turning slightly pink and now staring fixedly at the wall herself. "Since we'll be working together and all, I mean…"

James cut her off. "Lily Evans," he began, and when she turned involuntarily to look at him, she saw him smiling genuinely at her. It was so different from his trademark smirk that she was caught off guard for a second. "I would be honored to be friends with you."

And Lily found herself smiling right back at James Potter, realizing, as she did so, that he had grown over the summer. He was now at least six inches taller than she was, and she had to bend her head back slightly to look at him.

"So does this mean you'll go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend? As friends, of course?" James asked.

Naturally, he had to go and ruin it. Lily started to retort angrily, but he stopped her.

"I was joking, Evans. Joking," he said, hands in the air in a gesture of submission.

Lily took a deep breath, imagining Marlene's and Mary's horrified expressions if she told them she'd hexed James Potter during their very first conversation since fifth year.

"Don't push your luck, Potter," she finally said.  
James grinned. "Don't worry, I've learned my lesson."

"I would hope so. It does take a lot to get anything through that thick skull of yours."

The obnoxious prat laughed at that. "So I've been told."

"I bet you get that from Remus a lot."

"I do, as a matter of fact. He reminds me of you quite a bit, sometimes."  
"I knew there was a reason I liked him. Very well, I approve. You have good taste in friends, Potter."  
"Yes, I do," he replied, smiling at her, and she realized with a jolt that she fell into that category now. Galloping gargoyles. What had she gotten herself into?


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again! Sorry I took so long to update, but here it is. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! You guys are the best :)

This is looking like it's going to be around ten chapters at the moment. In the future, I'll try to update at least once every two weeks.

Again, reviews are amazing :)

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Chapter 2

Lily stumbled, yawning, into the Great Hall the next morning and collapsed in the first empty seat she saw, which, she noticed too late, happened to be next to Sirius Black. She thought about moving, but she was unsure if her poor, sleep-deprived limbs were capable of picking her back up again, and besides, at least according to Marlene, Black could be a decent bloke sometimes. At least she didn't have to worry about toning down her early-morning temper with him.

"Black," she said, hitting him in the shoulder to get his attention and pointing towards a platter of eggs a little ways down the table. "Food."

Sirius laughed and passed her the eggs. "Why so charming this morning, Evans?"

Lily made a noncommittal noise of annoyance. "Your girlfriend had the radio blasting Wizarding Wireless Network all night. She was singing along and everything. We couldn't make her stop until about three o'clock this morning."

"Why didn't you just hex her?" Sirius asked, ever the chivalrous boyfriend.

Lily laughed. "Mary certainly tried, but Marlene put a shield up. We couldn't go near her."

Sirius grinned proudly. "That's my girl. How did you get around it?"

"Bribed her," was Lily's matter-of-fact response. She dropped her head into her hands mournfully. "I had to give her all of my chocolate frogs."

"Four hours of sleep for your entire stash of chocolate frogs? You got robbed, Evans."

"I'll steal them back," Lily said, head still in her hands.

Sirius was delighted. "Why, Evans! I didn't know you had it in you!"

" _My_ chocolate," was Lily's brilliant response.

"Not anymore," Marlene said in a sing-song voice, settling into a seat across from her best friend and boyfriend. She grabbed a piece of toast, spread some marmalade on it, and stood back up. "Come on, you two. Transfiguration first today."

Lily and Sirius groaned.

"I'm not going," Sirius announced. He grinned cheekily at his girlfriend. "Skive off with me, McKinnon?"

Marlene considered it. "Come to Transfiguration with me and I'll skip Divination with you," she decided.

"Deal," Sirius agreed happily, and rose to his feet, stretching.

"Coming, Lils?" Marlene asked, poking the top of Lily's head, which was still resting on the table.

"Absolutely not," the redhead replied.

"And remember to twist your wand slightly as you jab it towards the cat," Professor McGonagall was saying. "Non-verbal spells _only_ , remember."

Lily frowned. She knew she shouldn't have come to class today.

Transfiguration had never come as naturally to her as her other classes did. She really needed to focus, and today she just couldn't summon the energy. She tried anyway, but the cat stubbornly refused to become a badger.

Lily paused in her attempts and looked around at the rest of the class. Marlene and Sirius were sitting next to a pair of perfect badgers, chattering away and laughing loudly while McGonagall shot them disapproving glares. James turned around in his chair and leaned backward to say something to Sirius, who grinned. James had gotten ten points for Gryffindor from McGonagall for getting the complicated spell right on his third try. Transfiguration was the one class in which James was easily more than a match for Lily.

Lily gritted her teeth and tried again. She poured every ounce of magic she could summon into the spell, trying desperately to remember what McGonagall had said about the wand movements. There was a loud popping sound, and the cat morphed into a large, purple, softly luminescent mushroom.

McGonagall hurried over to correct Lily's mistake as Mary, who was sitting next to Lily, collapsed in a fit of helpless laughter. Lily was torn between horror and amusement. How had that even happened?

She escaped the classroom gratefully twenty minutes later, with instructions to practice the charm for homework and be able to tell McGonagall where she had gone wrong by the next lesson.

"I'm not sure," Marlene said with mock uncertainty, "but I feel like the part with the giant glowing mushroom wasn't supposed to happen."

"Shut it, McKinnon."

By the end of the day, Lily Evans was a mess. She was tired. She was irritable. She had endured a full day of classes, and now, above all else, she needed peace and quiet and solitude.

And chocolate.

After a hasty trip back to the Gryffindor seventh years' dormitory, the Head Girl had made her quick escape, a bulging Honeydukes bag under her arm. She knew precisely where she had to run to. There was only one place in the castle she could truly call her own. Well, almost her own.

Lily's footsteps slowed as she reached a large, ornately carved door on the fourth floor. She had been here precisely once all year, when she had moved in some of her things at the very beginning of term. But if she had ever needed a large, luxurious room all to herself to retreat to, today was that day. She placed her hand on the door, which melted away at her touch.

The common room was vast and decorative, with scarlet and gold hangings and floor-to-ceiling domed windows. There was also a large plush couch in the corner, which Lily dove onto happily, burying her face in the soft pillows. She curled onto her side, reaching towards the bag of Honeydukes sweets, and began to pull the wrapper off of a chocolate frog.

Willow, Lily's cat, waddled eagerly into the room, having heard the wrapper and clearly hoping for a treat. Lily had named her cat when Willow had been a tiny, purring, graceful gray kitten, but it was a manifestly unsuitable name now for the poor animal, who was enormously fat and lazy and preferred the quiet of the Head Dormitories to the crowded Gryffindor tower.

Lily greeted her cat affectionately. "Did you miss me?" she asked, scratching Willow behind the ears. Willow, now unhappily aware that she was _not_ being fed, rubbed her head once against Lily's hand and retreated to her favorite spot by the windows, settling down comfortably in a patch of sun and stretching lazily. Lily would not have this. She rolled off the couch, across the floor, and, lying flat on her back, scooped up the indignant cat and held her high in the air.

"Don't you love me, kitty?" Lily asked as Willow struggled to free herself. "Ungrateful animal. I command you to love me. Love meeee." Willow meowed loudly in protest.

"What in Merlin's name is going on?" an amused voice asked, and Lily froze. Of course, it had to be him. Of all times for James Potter to walk into the room.

"I am practicing Transfiguring my cat," Lily announced after a pause, finally placing the relieved animal back on the floor. Willow immediately lumbered towards freedom as fast as her stubby legs would carry her.

"Of course. Silly me," James agreed, taking a seat on the couch that Lily had just vacated and peering interestedly into the Honeydukes bag. "Are those chocolate frogs?"

Lily, blushing faintly, rose to her feet and snatched the bag from him. "Yes, they are, and no, you may not have one."

"Rough day, eh?" James observed, leaning back into the couch.

Lily glanced at him, wondering if he was simply teasing or if that was an invitation to rant. Lily dearly loved to rant.

"Yes, it was," she replied cautiously.

"Is that why you came here?"

She nodded. "I just needed a break."

James didn't respond, so Lily continued. "First, Marlene wouldn't let me sleep, and then there was Transfiguration, and then every single Professor today decided to kick me while I was down, and I have a mountain of homework, and all I want to do is stuff my face with chocolate frogs."

James grinned. "Poor Evans," he said, and there was enough sincere sympathy in it to earn him an approving smile from Lily. Then, suddenly, a thought occurred to her.

"Er…Did you see what happened in Transfiguration?" she asked, looking vaguely nervous.

James couldn't hold back a laugh. "I meant to congratulate you on that. I've never seen anyone mix up a badger with a glowing mushroom before. I give you full marks for originality."

Lily laughed ruefully. To her slight surprise, she found that she didn't really mind his teasing. Maybe Potter wasn't the only one who had changed in the past year.

He looked pleased with himself, and rose suddenly. "I'll leave you to your 'mountain of homework' now," he said with a smirk, glancing at the bag of candy in which Lily suddenly seemed very interested. He was almost out of the door that led to his room when Lily made her decision. "Potter?"

His back was to her, but she knew he was smiling. "Evans?"

She took a deep breath. He really _was_ the best in their year, and she really needed help.

"Could you help me? With Transfiguration?"

He turned around and smiled genuinely, as he had before their meeting with Dumbledore, and Lily felt something flutter in her chest. "Absolutely," he said. "You call your elephant of a cat, and we can get started right now, if you want."

"How dare you insult my cat?" Lily demanded, offended.

"Evans, that is the fattest cat I've ever seen. I don't know how you even lifted her."

"Willow is not fat. She just has a lot of personality condensed into a tiny cat body. She had to expand to make room."

James threw his head back and laughed. "In that case, I beg Willow's pardon."

"Are we going to practice Transfiguration or not?" Lily asked, smiling despite herself.

"I don't know, are we?" James asked. "Call the cat."

"Willow doesn't come when called, James."

"Willow!" James called defiantly, and Lily opened her mouth to tell him off but paused, amazed, as Willow entered the room cautiously to investigate the source of the commotion. James pounced, triumphant. "There you are," he cooed to the cat, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Focus, James," she said, laughing as he continued to shower her pet with baby talk.

James paused, and Lily realized with a jolt that she had called him by his first name. How long had she been doing that?

Calm and professional in an instant, James set Willow down, and she curled up on the floor exactly where he had dropped her. "Okay," James said. "In class, I noticed that your movements are slightly too precise. That wouldn't be a problem in Charms, or really anything else, but Transfiguration is less of an exact science. Visualize what you want it to become, and let the magic flow through your wand and guide your movements." He pointed his wand at Willow, concentrating carefully, and, with a twist and a loose flick, Willow the fat cat became Willow the fat badger. James looked up and smiled at Lily. "See?"

She nodded hesitantly, and with another flick of James' wand, Willow was a cat again.

"Now you try," he said.

 _Focus_ , Lily told herself. _Let the magic guide you._ She twisted her wand, attempting to imitate James' movements. Willow's tail shortened and her fur became coarser, but she remained a cat.

"Not bad," James said thoughtfully. "I've certainly seen you do worse."

Lily stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned. "Here," he said, and he moved to stand beside her. He kept his head bent, staring at the floor. Lily smiled at his nervousness. It wasn't often that someone made James Potter squirm. He grabbed her still-outstretched arm gently and bent it slightly at the elbow. "Relax your arm a bit. And remember to breathe."

"Got it," Lily said decisively, and James backed away. She pointed her wand once more at Willow, and this time she felt herself relax into the spell. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and allowed herself to move more loosely than she usually did. This time, a badger rested where Willow had been only seconds before.

"I did it!" Lily squealed, impulsively doing a little hop of excitement. She turned to James. "Since when have you been a better teacher than McGonagall?"

"No one's a better teacher than McGonagall," James corrected her. "You just needed some practice, that's all."

"Well, thank you," Lily said, smiling at him. "Maybe you're not such a bad bloke after all, Potter."

He pretended to tear up. "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Don't get used to it," Lily laughed.

"I won't," he promised. He straightened up and pushed his glasses up on his nose, imitating a professor. "Excellent work today, Evans. We may make a real witch of you yet."

"Shove off, Potter," she said, hitting him lightly on the arm. He grinned and bowed theatrically as he backed away.

"Must be off, Evans. Important Head Boy business."

Lily was unconvinced. "I don't care if you _are_ Head Boy, Potter. If you set fire to the Astronomy Tower again, I will give you detention for the rest of your natural life."

"That was an accident!" he protested, injured. "And besides, what if I prefer to live _un_ naturally?"

Lily laughed. "That was awful."

" _You're_ laughing," he pointed out.

"Get _out_ , Potter!" she ordered, pointing at the door. He smirked at her as the door closed behind him, and Lily heaved a sigh. A smile played around her mouth as she collapsed back onto the couch, somehow feeling that maybe the day hadn't been such a complete disaster, after all.

That year, however, light-heartedness never lasted for long. Hogwarts was different these days. Walking down the corridors, Lily could sense it, and although it wasn't in her nature to be easily frightened, it left its mark on her all the same. There had been a sense of underlying darkness for as long as she'd been here, something sinister and dangerous that kept you from forgetting, even amidst the everyday hubbub of friends and classes, a war was brewing outside. This year, however, something had shifted. Tempers were more likely to snap, hexes more likely to fly; slurs were more likely to be seen painted across the walls in ink that no amount of soap or magic could seem to remove. And this year, Lily was at the center. She wasn't just a prefect anymore. She was the Head Girl, the mudblood leading the school. The insults were not whispered anymore. They were hurled at her like bricks. They were shouts across the room, jinxes, threats muttered and screamed; they were spelled out in the bruises and scars from hexes, in aggressive shoves in the corridor, in feet stuck out that caused her to trip, in cruel laughter and in newspaper headings that told of Muggleborns targeted all over Britain.

Through it all, Lily held her head high. She was never one to be controlled, or to shrink back into the shadows in fear. She was a talented witch and her hand was constantly on her wand, never to start a fight, but always ready to finish it. And so it was that day, a week after her Transfiguration lesson with James, when she heard the shout.

"Where do you think you're going, filthy mudblood?"

Lily didn't turn, didn't acknowledge her insulter. She kept walking, which was why she didn't see the curse he hurled at her retreating back.

But James did.

The force of his shield charm knocked Lily's attacker backwards, and he hit the floor with a sickening crunch. Lily whirled around, her wand out and pointing at the Slytherin, who she knew by sight to be called Avery. Because cowards never attack alone, he was flanked by Mulciber and Wilkes. All three had their wands out, but they were now pointing at James, whose eyes blazed with an indescribable fury that caused several onlookers to step back in fright.

"Coming to your Mudblood's rescue, are you, blood traitor?" Wilkes spat. "Gonna send us to the hospital wing?"

"Merlin, no," growled James, glaring at him with the utmost loathing. With some effort, he stepped back and glanced towards Lily questioningly. She nodded once, furious, and he turned back to the Slytherins. "I would never deprive Lily of the pleasure."

The jets of light left Lily's wand before any of the Slytherins could figure out how to respond. They never had a chance.

"Potter?"

He was sitting on the couch in their common room. The Slytherins, who had been the subject of every hex Lily had been able to think of, were recovering in the hospital wing, and Lily had been summoned to McGonagall's office for a "strict talking-to." McGonagall had made her tea and served scones.

James looked up and smiled. "Excellent work back there."

"Thanks," Lily said. "That should teach them to try to curse someone when their back is turned. Filthy little cowards."

"I'll drink to that," James said, handing her a butterbeer.

"Where did you get that?" Lily asked, as James opened one of his own.

"Secret," he replied simply, smiling.

"Thanks," Lily said. "For the butterbeer and for the shield charm earlier."

"Anytime. Although I would have liked to curse those slimy, cowardly slugs into oblivion," James said, the palpable anger returning to his features.

"Why didn't you?" Lily asked. "Why did you let me?"

"You had every right to," James said, shrugging. "It wasn't my fight, and you didn't need defending. You handled it extremely well on your own."

A warmth stole through Lily's chest at his words. James Potter really had grown up.

"Thank you," she said, unable to think of how else to respond.

"Besides," James added, seriously. "They need to know you can handle yourself. That you're not some easy target just because you're muggle-born. You're better than the lot of them put together."

Lily smiled. _When_ , she wondered, _did James Potter learn to say exactly the right thing_? She took a minute to process his words. She didn't need defending. She could handle herself. And her blood status was no measure of her worth.

"Thank you," she said again, looking him straight in the eye. "For everything." Quickly, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He looked stunned, unsure of how he had finally managed to do something right. The expression made Lily laugh a little, and when she left, it was with a feeling of odd contentment.

And this time, it didn't seem at all strange that James Potter was the one making her smile like that.


	3. Chapter 3

Aaaaand chapter three is in. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3

"Morning," Lily said, taking a seat next to Marlene, Alice, and Mary. "Pass the pumpkin juice, please."

The other girls stared.

"You spoke," Mary observed, helpfully.

"It's not even eight in the morning yet," Alice said in an awed voice.

"Well, she didn't have you lot keeping her up all last night, did she?" Marlene reminded them. "Must be a nice change."

" _Us_ keeping her up all night?" Mary said, outraged.

"Yes. You're so loud and inconsiderate of others. No wonder Lily was happy to get away from you," Marlene said, patting Lily's arm understandingly.

Mary's angry retort was cut off by the arrival of the post. Automatically, all four girls moved to shield their breakfast as the owls soared overhead, dropping feathers, notes, and packages. Two letters fell into Lily's lap, and she picked up the first. She recognized the messy, large hand it was written in, and brightened up immediately. "Girls, it's from Hagrid. He's invited us to tea tomorrow."

"No rock cakes!" Marlene cried. "Make him promise. If he promises no rock cakes, we'll come." Alice and Mary nodded fervently in agreement.

Lily didn't respond. She hadn't heard. Hagrid's letter was cast aside, and she was staring at the second envelope on her lap.

"What's wrong, Lils?" Alice asked.

Lily shook her head as if to clear it. "It's from Petunia."

Mary and Marlene both looked immediately to Alice in alarm. Alice rose to the occasion.

"She hasn't replied to any of your letters so far this year, has she?" Alice said gently.

Lily shook her head. "I don't even remember the last time she wrote to me at Hogwarts."

"Do…" Marlene paused, unusually cautious. "Do you want to open it?"

Lily didn't answer, but slit the envelope open with her finger. She pulled out a small decorative card. Alice tilted her head slightly so she could see, and Marlene and Mary unabashedly leaned across the table to get a look.

"Is that…?" Mary asked, horrified.

"Petunia's wedding invitation," Lily said in a low voice, without making eye contact with any of them.

"I didn't know she was even engaged," Alice said.

"Neither did I." Lily's voice was quiet, disbelieving. "I can't…I can't believe she wouldn't tell me."

"Is there at least a note?" Mary asked.

Lily nodded numbly and pulled it out of the envelope.

 _Dear Lily,_

 _If you're reading this letter first, you should know that I'm engaged to be married to Vernon. He's had a promotion at work and feels he can provide for us both comfortably now. I didn't want to tell you before, although I told our parents I had. They insisted that I invite you to the wedding._

 _Now allow me to be perfectly honest with you. I would much prefer it if you didn't come. However, I accept that you must, and before you get worked up—you always were so dramatic—just let me explain myself._

 _You were always the one in the spotlight. You've always been the one who needs to be the center of attention and have everyone adore you. But things are different for me now. Vernon is the only thing I've ever had who is all my own, and just this once, I want to have something that is just for me. Don't I deserve that? Just once? You can't help drawing attention, I know. You will always be abnormal and people will notice you, but please, for me, try your best to blend in. I won't need you in my wedding party. Bring a date (preferably not someone of your kind—bring someone respectable) and try not to cause a scene._

 _I've had to tell Vernon about you, and he has agreed to marry me despite the fact that you are… whatever it is that you are. He has agreed that you may come to the wedding so long as no word of your abnormality reaches the guests. I would not suggest addressing him at any point during the wedding. He will not react kindly._

 _You don't belong in our world, Lily. There's nothing you can do to change that, and for that reason, he and I have agreed that it would be best if you keep your distance from both of us._

 _This wedding means a lot to me. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be now._

 _\- Petunia_

Lily finished reading. Her friends looked at her questioningly, and wordlessly, she passed the letter to them. She didn't think she could get the words out to explain to them what it had said. As they read, her friends' eyes darkened. Marlene and Mary looked horrified, and a dark rage was clouding Alice's eyes.

"How…dare…she?" Marlene hissed.

"Lily," Mary said quietly. "That's…awful. I'm so sorry."

Lily couldn't take it. "Tell Flitwick I'm not feeling well. I just need to get away from all of this."

Alice and Marlene nodded understandingly, watching her in concern.

"I'll cover for you," Mary said. Lily nodded wordlessly, then turned and practically fled from the room.

"Can you send a hex through owl post?" Marlene wondered out loud.

"If you can, I'll find out how to do it," Alice promised, a steely glint in her usually gentle eyes.

* * *

An hour and three boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans later, Lily was feeling slightly restless. She wanted to get out, go somewhere where she could breathe, but where could she go? She didn't think she could handle anyone else's questioning glances at her mascara-streaked, tear-stained face if she left the Head Dorms. Maybe she could sprint through the grounds and go find Hagrid. He could always cheer her up.

As this thought occurred to her, the door opened, and she looked up quickly to see…who else? _Not now,_ she thought. _Why would he be_ here _in the middle of the day?_

She rubbed a hand across her smudged mascara, attempting to brush away the tears, but she knew she hadn't made a dent. Accepting her fate, she managed a throaty "Hey."

"You okay?" James asked, concern and some nervousness mingling in his tone.

"Not really, no," Lily replied.

"May I ask what's wrong?" James asked, approaching slowly and sitting on the edge of the couch.

She took a deep breath. "It's my sister," she said, closing her eyes and dropping her head into her hands.

James waited.

"She's getting married," Lily elaborated reluctantly.

"And you…hate the fiancé?" James guessed.

"Well, yes," Lily admitted, "but that's not it. She didn't even tell me she got engaged, and then she sent me this awful letter, saying she didn't want me in the wedding party, that I _didn't belong in her world,_ and…" her voice trailed off and she brushed at the tears again. She managed a shaky laugh. "Sorry about the mascara. I look like a mess."

"No, it's fine. You look wonderful," James said gently, quietly, and her heart fluttered.

"Thanks. I just need to get out of here," she said, pulling away from him slightly. "I couldn't go to Charms…"

"I noticed you weren't there," he said. "I came here to get my Transfiguration book, but I'll skive off with you if you aren't ready to go to class just yet. I know a way to get out of here without being seen."

"You don't have to…"

"Ol' Minnie won't mind," James said confidently. "I'm her favorite."

" _Ol' Minnie_?" Lily said, the beginnings of a smile on her face.

"Does that mean you're up for it?" James said, happy to see her brighten up.

"Of course," she said. "Anything to get out of here."

His face lit up. "Okay then," he said. "Let's wait until everyone's in their classes, and then we'll sneak out through a tunnel behind the tapestry at the end of this corridor. I'll check to see when the coast is clear."

"You do that," Lily said, turning back to her pile of sweets.

* * *

A few minutes later, James turned back from the door, shoving something in his pocket. "No one's within two floors of us." He offered Lily his hand. "Let's go."

James led the way down the narrow stone passage, bending over slightly to avoid bumping his head. He turned a corner, Lily close behind, and suddenly she could see where they were going. "Whoa."

The tunnel had brought them to the bottom of the lake. Through the opening, Lily could see green-tinged water and gently swaying reeds. As she watched, a grindylow swam past in hot pursuit of a small fish.

The tunnel had widened into a small cave, and Lily brushed past James to walk cautiously up to the opening. "Why doesn't the water come inside?"

"Shield Charm. Look," James said, pressing his hand to the smooth, cool barrier. "I like to come here sometimes just to get away. Hardly anyone knows about this."

"How do you?" Lily asked.

"The Marauders do a lot of exploring," James replied. "We found this one by accident."

Lily nodded, and they stood quietly together for a while, watching the lake. A thought occurred to Lily, and, more to break the silence than anything, she asked, "Earlier, you said there was no one within two floors of us. How did you know?"

James smirked and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could get a word out, Lily added, "and if you say it's a Marauder secret again I'll hex you."

"Well, technically it _is_ a Marauder secret!" James protested, grinning, but he paused, and his expression became more serious. "Listen," he said. "If I show you, will you promise not to tell anyone?"

The Head Girl tensed slightly at this request. "That depends. Is it dangerous?"

"No!" James promised. "Well…no. No."

Not altogether reassured, Lily pursed her lips. "Fine. I won't tell anyone."

"Promise?" James prompted, an unusual severity in his tone.

"Promise."

He relaxed. "Alright. I trust you." He pulled a crumpled piece of parchment out of his pocket. Tapping it with his wand, he muttered, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Lily started to laugh, but stopped almost immediately as writing appeared.

 _Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present The Marauder's Map._

Underneath the words was a map of Hogwarts. At a glance, Lily could tell that this was no ordinary map. It seemed to be almost alive. The parchment was covered in tiny moving dots—each, it seemed, with a miniscule label attached. One, labeled _Argus Filch_ , was moving along the seventh floor corridor, while another read _Albus Dumbledore_ and was stationary inside a section of the map marked _Headmaster's Office._

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs…" Lily read, and then looked up at James, who was watching her somewhat hesitantly. "That's…that's Remus, Peter, Sirius, and you, right?"

James nodded. "We've been calling each other by those names for years."

"Did you _make_ this?"

James nodded again, proudly.

"How?"

"Took us the better part of fifth year to figure it out," he said. "We all helped with the research—staking out the secret passageways and all. Remus and I did most of the Charms work, but Sirius helped out with the particularly tricky parts. You'd be surprised; he's actually quite good at these kinds of things."

Lily stared at the map. Almost unintentionally, a smile began to spread across her face. "This is really advanced magic," she said after a pause. "I'm impressed."

James looked pleased with himself. Lily rolled her eyes, smiling, and looked again around the cave, running her hand over the jagged wall.

"It's beautiful down here," she observed, moving to sit in front of the tunnel opening.

"That Shield Charm wasn't there when we found this place," James said, brushing her shoulder as he sat next to her. "When we first found this passageway, it was mostly flooded. Peter fell off that ledge there and nearly drowned."

Lily laughed. "Poor Wormtail. I assume you jumped in to rescue him."

James grinned at the nickname. "Remus did, actually. I had to fetch Padfoot."

" _Padfoot_?" Lily asked, amused.

"He was laughing so hard at Peter that he fell in himself and inhaled half the lake."

Lily burst out laughing, and James smiled at her for a moment.

"You know, only the Marauders use those nicknames," he observed.

"Sorry," Lily apologized, slightly flustered.

"No, no," James protested, alarmed. "I was only saying…you could be a Marauder, if you want." He paused, looking mildly horrified at the words that had just escaped his mouth. "I mean…an honorary Marauder, that is. And you wouldn't have to do pranks or anything with us. I just meant…Merlin, I don't even know what I meant. Just since we're friends, I mean…you said we could be friends, and…I'm sorry," he finished awkwardly, looking down at the ground.

A grin slowly spread over Lily's face as she looked amusedly at the poor nervous prat. "Why can't I do pranks with you?" she finally asked.

James looked up quickly. "I didn't mean…"

Lily shook her head. "I would have loved to, of course, but since I am the _Head Girl_ , and I have _responsibilities,_ and now you don't want me to help _anyway_ , maybe I shouldn't."

James was smiling now. "Lily, would you do me the honor of joining in our next prank with us?"

Lily regarded him in mock consideration. "Alright," she decided. "I suppose I can be an honorary Marauder, then. If prank privileges are included."

"Welcome aboard, Evans," James announced, playfully bumping into her with his shoulder. Then his smile faded slightly. "Transfiguration should be over now. Do you want to head back up to the castle?"

Lily nodded. "I have tutoring in about twenty minutes. I should head up to the library."

"I'll walk with you," James offered, running one hand through his hair. Instead of annoying Lily, the gesture made her smile.

"Thank you," she said. "For being there, for listening to me, for bringing me here, for the…honorary Marauders thing…."

He smiled somewhat sheepishly.

"Just…thanks, Potter."

"Anytime, Evans."

"You can call me Lily," she informed him.

"Fine, but if you're an honorary Marauder now, you have to start calling me Prongs."

"Who came up with those stupid nicknames, anyway?" Lily asked.

"That's a long story, Lils."

She looked at him questioningly, but he just winked and turned to lead the way back to the castle.

* * *

Raven sat impatiently at one of the tables in the library, swinging her feet and staring at the large clock in the corner. Lily was late. And Lily was never late.

Raven was a third year Hufflepuff who had been tutored by Lily for almost two years now. She looked up to the older girl and hoped that maybe, if she worked really hard, someday she could be Head Girl just like her.

She pulled a sugar quill out of her bag and chewed on the end of it while she waited. It wasn't long before she heard voices near the door and swung around to see Lily, smile wide and eyes bright with laughter, walking side by side with the Gryffindor Head Boy, James Potter, who was animatedly telling a story involving lots of hand gestures and sound effects that made the librarian glare at him. Raven was more than a little confused to see Lily walking with James. She'd heard her fair share of Lily's rants about the arrogant Gryffindor before, and the abrupt change amused her. She grinned as they got closer, Lily's smile brighter than Raven had ever seen it.

"Lily!" Raven called to get her attention, and Lily turned to her.

"Hello, Raven," Lily smiled. "Sorry I'm late."

"You're _never_ late," Raven said. "Is it because you were with him?" She nodded in James' direction.

James' hand immediately went to his hair as he grinned. "Sorry about that," he said.

Lily blushed slightly. "Yes, well, he's leaving now, aren't you, James?"

He nodded, gave her a playful salute, and sauntered away, calling, "Later, Lils," over his shoulder as he left. Lily shook her head as she turned back to Raven, who stared at her shrewdly.

"You look happy," Raven observed.

"Is that unusual?" Lily replied jokingly.

"Well, no. But you look happi _er_ today. Why were you with James?"

"No real reason," Lily said evasively.

"Did you have fun?"

"I did." Lily pulled Raven's Charms textbook toward her, in the hope of turning the conversation back to the tutoring session. But Raven wasn't to be deflected.

"You fancy him, don't you?"

Lily choked. " _What?"_

"Well, I saw the way you were smiling at him," Raven said, as though this should be obvious.

"How was I smiling at him?"

"I don't know," Raven confessed. "But it's not the way you smile at anyone else."

"Okay, we're working on Charms now," Lily ordered, opening the textbook.

"You look _much_ happier than you normally do," Raven said thoughtfully. She obediently sat down and looked at the textbook for a second before looking up again. "Do you think he'll ask you to Hogsmeade? I hope so."

"Raven?" Lily asked sweetly.

"Yes?"

"One more word about James and I'll shove this whole textbook in your mouth."

"You used to call him Potter," Raven observed under her breath.

 _Thwack._

Raven simply giggled.

* * *

That night, the girls decided to have a "cheer Lily up" slumber party in the dorm. Mary provided the sweets. Alice Summoned a television from the Muggle Studies room, and the girls were watching Sleeping Beauty. Marlene had turned up halfway through with butterbeer, although no one was sure how she'd gotten it. When asked, she simply replied, "Sirius," and the other girls nodded in sudden comprehension. It was quarter to four in the morning when the girls finally fell asleep, all piled on top of each other on the floor with piles of candy wrappers and butterbeer bottles around them.

It was a tired but much more cheerful Lily who went through all of her classes the following day. She even managed to take an entire page of notes in History of Magic before giving up and engaging in a doodling war with Sirius on the corner of her parchment. As she left the class an hour later, she decided to reward herself for making it through the day by taking a long, relaxing bath in the Head Girl dorm.

Lily made a flying leap off of the staircase as it swung by the dorm room door, landing somewhat ungracefully. She placed a hand on the door and it melted away to show James Potter lying on the floor, surrounded by books and piles of parchment.

"Hey," Lily said, picking her way carefully around the mess.

James looked up. "Hey," he replied, looking somewhat tense. "I was hoping you'd show. I have a favor to ask. I forgot to tell you earlier."

"Should I be worried?" Lily asked, smiling.

"I was just going to ask if you could take over my patrol rounds tonight," James said, and Lily's spirits dropped slightly. Goodbye, relaxation time.

"Why?" Lily asked. "I thought you were free tonight."

James shifted. "Emergency Quidditch practice," he said. "Rather late notice."

Lily sighed. She wasn't looking forward to it, but then, she did owe James. "Alright, I can take over for you."

"You're the best, Lils," James said gratefully.

"Anytime, Potter," she said, smiling, as she turned reluctantly to leave. If she had patrol rounds in an hour, she should start on her homework now.

She headed towards the library, deciding that she could at least get a start on her Charms essay. She walked up to her usual table to find Marlene already there. The other witch looked up as Lily approached, a wild look in her eyes. "My professors are all trying to kill me. All of them. I'll have to work all night to get this done. I won't be able to survive this. Tell my family goodbye. Tell Sirius I love him. Actually, don't do that. He'd have a heart attack."

"He probably would," agreed Lily, sitting down. Marlene turned another page of her textbook and groaned, letting her head fall onto the table.

"Too bad you have Quidditch practice tonight on top of all of this," Lily said sympathetically.

Marlene looked up at her in surprise. "We don't have Quidditch practice," she said. "That was yesterday."

"James said he'd scheduled an emergency practice," Lily said, confused.

Marlene shook her head. "If he did, he didn't tell me. And that would be stupid of him. That team can't get along without me."

Lily frowned in confusion. "You mean James lied to me?"

Marlene bit her lip. "If he really said he had practice tonight, then yes," she replied.

"Why would he do that?" Lily asked. "He asked me to cover his patrol rounds."

"Maybe he just didn't feel like doing it."

"That doesn't seem like him," Lily said, but she sounded unsure.

"Go confront him, then. Ask him," Marlene told her. "That's what I would do."

Lily stood resolutely. "I will. And he had better have a really good explanation."

"Go easy on the poor boy. He's terrified of you enough as it is."

"I will do no such thing."

Marlene grinned. "That's my girl."

* * *

Lily stormed into the Head Dormitory, panting slightly. Potter was still there, cleaning up his books and looking like he was preparing to leave. He looked up and immediately took a step back at the look on her face.

"Where are you going, Potter?"

"Quidditch practice?" he said. "I told you that earlier."

"I just spoke to Marlene," Lily informed him, and he paled slightly. "She says you don't have practice tonight. So where _are_ you going?"

James held out his hands as if to calm her. "Look, okay, you're right, and I'm sorry I said that…"

"So you did lie to me."

"…but I can't actually tell you where I'm going," he finished, having the decency to look ashamed of himself.

"And why is that?" Lily asked coldly.

"Look, none of this is your fault, and I wish I could tell you, really, but it's better for everyone if you don't know. Trust me on this."

"Trust you?" Lily asked incredulously. "James, you've lied to me twice in the past hour. Forgive me if I don't have much faith in you at the moment."

"Lils, listen to me, please. I'm your friend, okay? I wouldn't do this if I didn't absolutely have to…"

But Lily had had enough. "Friends, Potter? You call this being my friend? I thought you'd changed. I thought I could trust you. But then you lied to my face and you ask me to cover for you and you won't even tell my why!" She shook her head in frustration. "You know what? I don't care where you're going. Just as long as it's far away from me." And with that, she turned and stalked out of the room, leaving James with his head in his hands and a ringing silence in her wake.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lily was in a towering temper by the time she finished Potter's patrol rounds. As expected, he had failed to make an appearance, and Lily had spent the last several hours stalking up and down the dark corridors, one hand on her wand. Night patrols weren't safe to do alone, especially for a Mudblood, and Lily knew it. Tonight, however, she almost hoped someone would try to attack. If they had, she was in such a mood that they would have found no mercy, and to Lily it would almost have been a relief. But she saw no one, and the mere lack of disturbance seemed ominous. It was almost one in the morning when Lily returned, but fortunately, the rest of Gryffindor was asleep. She stalked into the room and went to collapse on her favorite armchair by the fire, but before she could sit, the armchair moved. Marlene turned around, holding a roll of parchment and a quill.

Lily groaned. "That's the second time today you've stolen my favorite chair."

Marlene smirked at her friend. "So I take it the talk with James didn't go well?"

Lily, giving up on the chair, slumped down on the carpet. "I would really rather not talk about him."

"That bad?" Marlene asked, sympathetically.

Lily let out a stream of words that made Marlene smile proudly. "That's my girl. Let it out."

"I can't believe I thought he was different now," Lily muttered.

Marlene opened her mouth to argue this point but stopped herself. Instead, she held out her hand. "Come on."

"Where?"

"I know something that will make this all better. Come with me." She pulled Lily's hand, dragging her towards the portrait hole.

"But it's after curfew," Lily protested, although she rose obediently.

"Come on, Lils. You're the Head Girl. Just flash your badge or whatever."

"That's not how it works," the tired redhead protested, but she was already being dragged out into the silent corridor. Marlene pulled her down hallway after hallway until Lily gave up trying to figure out where they were going. Eventually, she vaguely registered that Marlene had stopped and was approaching a large painting of a bowl of fruit. Lily put up a hand to rub her tired eyes, and when she looked up again, blinking sleepily, she saw that the painting had moved to reveal a doorway to the kitchens.

"I've always wanted to come down here," Lily whispered, surprised. At the sound of her voice, several house elves appeared out of the back of the kitchen and ran to meet her, bowing.

"Can we get you anything, miss?" one of them asked, smiling respectfully at her. Lily turned to Marlene, who grinned.

"My friend and I would like some hot chocolate, please," Marlene requested, and the elves scurried away immediately, bowing and curtsying as they went. She turned back to Lily and gestured to a high counter. "Take a seat. Make yourself at home."

Lily sat on a barstool and looked around at the huge kitchen. "How did you know how to get here?"

"Sirius."

"Ah," Lily said, as the house elves came rushing back, sooner than expected, with hot chocolate and an array of small cakes and pastries. She inhaled the scent of the chocolate and sighed. "This smells amazing."

The elves beamed and retreated, leaving Lily and Marlene to dive eagerly into the food.

"See? Hot chocolate fixes everything," Marlene said around a mouthful of treacle tart.

"I'm sure it would if you poured it on Potter's head," Lily muttered darkly.

"I'm sure it would," Marlene agreed. "But let's not talk about him."

"Cheers to that," Lily decided, clinking her mug against her friend's.

That night, Lily slept in the Gryffindor girls' dormitory, marginally more cheerful than she had been before. Who needed James Potter, anyway?

* * *

"What did you do to my best mate?" Sirius asked without preamble, dropping into the seat beside Lily at the breakfast table. She groaned and turned away from him, but Sirius was having none of it. "Don't get me wrong—whatever it was, he probably deserved it—but he's barely said two words together since last night, and all I could get out of him was that it had something to do with you."

Lily ignored him and sipped pointedly on her pumpkin juice. Sirius pointed his wand at the drink, which immediately turned to ice, causing Lily to turn on him furiously. "Your _best mate_ and I fought because he was being an immature toerag. Something, incidentally, he probably learned from you," she snapped.

"Now, now, Evans," Sirius said, spreading his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I don't want to fight. I happen to agree with you there. On both counts."

Lily sniffed and flicked her wand to return her pumpkin juice to its original state. They sat in silence for a minute before Sirius added, "In fact, so thoroughly do I agree with you, Evans, that I have decided that I'm on your side. You are absolutely right. Prongs deserves nothing more than our everlasting hatred."

Lily was unimpressed. Sirius continued. "The one thing I would like to know is precisely what I am hating him eternally _for_."

She turned on him. "Black, get out of my sight."

"No," he said simply. "I'm not leaving until this is sorted out."

"Why do you care, Black?"

"About Prongs?"

"No, about the fight."

"Red, you just don't understand, do you?"

"Don't call me that," Lily growled.

"He'd do anything for you," Sirius snapped. "And now he thinks he hurt you and it's tearing him apart."

"Well, he _did_ hurt me," Lily shot back. "He lied to me and he used me and somehow this is _my_ fault?"

But Sirius had reeled back at her words. "He wouldn't have done that," he said, all traces of anger gone. "He would never do that to you."

"I just told you he did, Black, what more do you need?"

"Lily," Sirius said, and his voice was low and pleading now. "There has to be some mistake. Just tell me what he did."

Lily sighed, still not looking at him. "He asked me to cover his patrol rounds for last night and said he had Quidditch practice. Marlene told me he was lying, so I confronted him about it, and he flat-out refused to tell me where he was actually going, and I had to cover for him anyway."

Her words were greeted by silence, and she twisted slightly to look at Sirius. He looked shocked and confused. "Last night. But why wouldn't he just…?" he muttered to himself, and then suddenly went pale. He cursed. Abruptly, he shot to his feet, grabbing Lily's hand. "Come with me," he ordered, starting for the door.

She shook away his hand. "I am going nowhere with you," she said.

"I swear I'm not taking you to James," Sirius promised. "Please just come with me."

Lily hesitated. She knew she really shouldn't trust him, but curiosity won. "Fine," she said coldly. "But I can walk by myself." Sirius nodded once and shot off towards the Gryffindor tower, pausing only when he reached the portrait hole. "Wait here." He leapt in through the hole, leaving Lily and the Fat Lady exchanging confused glances. Several minutes later, he returned. "You're safe. James is out moping by the lake. Come on."

Starting to get a little annoyed by his theatrics, Lily followed. He led her up to the boys' dormitories and burst into the seventh years' room without bothering to announce his presence. Peter was there, perched on a chair, and so was Remus, looking tired and worn. There was a new cut near his lip. _Of course,_ Lily thought with a pang of sympathy. _The full moon was last night._

She wasn't sure when she'd figured out Remus' secret, but it had been long before Remus had decided to confide in her during their fifth year. He had been almost unbearably grateful when she had assured him that of course she still wanted to be friends with him. She often did small, subtle favors from him around the full moon, knowing full well that he wouldn't accept anything more.

"Hey, Lily," Remus said in some surprise. She smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?"

He shrugged, a small smile on his face. "I've been worse."

"I can get you the Charms notes you missed yesterday, if you want." she offered.

"Thanks, Lils."

"Oi, can we get back to the subject at hand here?" an impatient Sirius asked.

"Do enlighten us, Padfoot," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "What is the subject at hand?"

"Prongs lied to Lilykins here," Sirius said.

Remus and Peter both looked confused. There was a long pause.

"More enlightenment, please, Padfoot," Peter finally said. "What are you talking about?"

"He had to get out of patrol rounds last night," Sirius said, and both of the other boys' eyes widened in sudden comprehension. "And he wouldn't tell her why, so they had a fight. Which is why Prongs was all upset and boring last night."

"I suppose you all know what's going on here, then?" Lily asked as Remus looked perturbed and Peter suddenly seemed extremely serious. "Is anyone going to bother to tell me?"

Remus bit his lip and looked at Peter. Peter looked back.

"She already knows about me," Remus said. "Presumably, James wouldn't tell her because of you."

Lily was now beyond confused. All three boys regarded her silently for a second.

"I trust her," Remus added.

Sirius nodded. "Wormtail?"

Peter, without taking his eyes off Lily, nodded once.

"This had better be good," Lily said threateningly.

Remus looked at her gravely. "You already know I'm a werewolf," he began, and Lily nodded, still confused. "Have you ever wondered why James, Sirius, and Peter also disappear every full moon?"

"If you're going to tell me they're all werewolves too…"

"Not werewolves, no," Remus said. "But they did figure out a way to come with me when I transform. To keep me company."

Lily's eyes widened. "You mean they went _with_ you? That's really dangerous!"

"It's not quite like you think. They found a way to make it safer. Werewolves are only a danger to humans, you see. So if they were to keep me company, they couldn't do so as humans."

He smiled at the look of dawning comprehension on Lily's face. "James, Peter, and Sirius are unregistered Animagi."

Sirius, never missing an opportunity to show off, decided to transform right then and there. Before Lily could react, a large, black, threatening-looking dog was sitting in the middle of the dormitory, frantically wagging his tail. "Sweet Merlin," Lily whispered. _So it's true._

"Change back, Padfoot," Remus ordered, and Sirius did so, looking pleased with himself.

"Merlin," Lily repeated, stunned.

"Lily, if you tell anyone, the three of them could be sent to Azkaban," Remus said.

Lily took a deep breath. She couldn't do that. Of course she wouldn't do that. It was dangerous, yes, but these boys trusted her.

"Of course I won't tell. Just…how?" She couldn't seem to go on, but Sirius understood.

"Took us almost five years," he answered.

"It was awful," Peter supplied. "Had to keep a Mandrake leaf in our mouths for a full month."

Lily was still in shock. "And you all did that…"

"For ol' Moony here," Sirius finished, ruffling Remus' hair. Remus shoved him away, but lightly.

"They risked everything," Remus said, and there was disbelief in his eyes when he spoke of it, as though he still couldn't understand why anyone would do something like that for him. "It's a dangerous process, very hard to get right. But you have no idea how much easier the transformations have been since they've been able to join me."

"And James wouldn't tell me because of you," Lily said, looking at Sirius and Peter. "He didn't want to get you two in trouble."

"That's Prongs, alright," Sirius grinned.

Through the shock, Lily felt the beginnings of guilt forming in the pit of her stomach. "I was horrible to him."

"It's not your fault, Lily," Remus said. "You had no idea. And he did lie to you."

"It wasn't his fault either," she responded. "I have to talk to him."

"Finally," Sirius said, raising his arms to the heavens in thanksgiving.

"The lake, you said?" Lily asked, already at the door.

Sirius grinned. "Go get him."

"Thank you. All of you," Lily said hurriedly. "Your secret's safe with me. I promise."

"Solemnly swear?" Peter asked.

She grinned. "I solemnly swear."

* * *

"James?"

He looked up as she approached, then back down at his feet. "Lily, I…"

"Don't," she said, and sat down next to him. "Remus told me where you were yesterday."

James whipped around to face her, opening his mouth in confusion.

"And Sirius and Peter. They told me that you're Animagi."

James looked simultaneously shocked and relieved. "Lily, I would have told you," he blurted out. "I trust you, I really do. But it wasn't just my secret, and I couldn't betray Pads and Wormy, and…"

"It's okay," Lily said. "And you can trust me. Really. I won't tell anyone. And I…I think it's wonderful that you did that for Remus."

James looked down. "It was all I could think to do," he said.

"All you could think to do was something highly illegal, highly dangerous, with highly improbable odds?"

"Well, yes. But all of those things were just perks."

Lily laughed. "I'm still not sure I like it," she admitted. "I don't like the idea of the three of you putting yourselves in the path of a werewolf every month. I don't want any of you to get hurt. But still," she added, with a small smile, "I'm really glad you did it."

"I am, too," James said. "And I'm so sorry about last night. Lying to you and everything."

"Yeah, about that: do that again and I'll put you in the hospital wing for a month."

"Yes, ma'am. I mean no ma'am. Never again," James promised.

"What animal are you?" Lily asked after a pause. "Your Animagus form, I mean."

"I'm a stag," James said. "That's where 'Prongs' comes from. The antlers."

"And Sirius…Padfoot," Lily realized. "His paws." She paused. "Do I even want to know what kind of animal Wormtail is?"

James laughed. "Rat. Sirius came up with the nickname."

"Of course he did," Lily sighed. "Kind of unfortunate for poor Peter, though."

"Ah, he's pretty useful. He can get into tight places that we can't."

"Makes sense. Besides, when you're an illegal Animagus sneaking around the grounds with a werewolf after curfew, it probably would be useful not to be a huge, bloody conspicuous _deer_."

"Stag," James corrected automatically.

Lily grinned. "Whatever you say, my deer."

James groaned. "Not you, too."

"You are never going to hear the end of that, Potter," Lily laughed.

They sat for a while and talked, laughing and joking and teasing each other, and at some point they had shifted closer so that Lily was resting her back against James' arm. It was comfortable and friendly, and he didn't seem to want to move any more than she did.

"James?" she asked eventually.

"Yeah?"

"Will you come to Petunia's wedding with me?"

James turned to her, surprised. "What?"

"She asked me to bring a date, and I thought you could come with me as a friend. It's going to be horrible and dull and I'm going to hate it but I thought it might not be _as_ horrible if you were there, too."

James paused for a moment and then smiled. "I'd love to make your sister's wedding less horrible for you," he said. "Do I have to wear Muggle clothes?"

"Yes," Lily said emphatically. "Don't worry, I'll take care of that. But please, Petunia hates anything to do with magic, so whatever you do, don't let her know you're a wizard."

James nodded. "So no Filibusters fireworks display during the ceremony. Got it."

"Unless you're looking for a brutal double murder by the bride, I would not suggest that, no."

"Might liven it up a bit," James pointed out.

"True," Lily said. "But I'm not quite that desperate. I really need this to go well."

"If you insist. When is the wedding, then?"

"Next weekend," Lily said. "I'm getting special permission from McGonagall to Floo back home for a couple of days."

James nodded. "Alright then. I'm looking forward to it."

 _So am I,_ Lily realized in surprise. "I owe you one, Potter."

He grinned. "I'll hold you to that."

* * *

"James?" Lily called down the hallway. "We're leaving now. Hurry up, or Petunia will order my parents to leave us behind."

James burst out of the guest room looking flustered. "I can't figure out this bloody tie," he started to say, but stopped when he saw Lily. She smiled at him, and he stared. She wore a scarlet dress that contrasted with her already brilliant green eyes, making it seem as though they shone brighter than ever. Her dark red hair was draped in soft curls over one shoulder, and a pink tinge appeared in her cheeks as she took in James' stunned expression.

"You…you look…wow," James said, stuttering a little and running one hand absently through his hair.

Lily laughed. "Thanks. You look pretty 'wow' yourself. Here, let me get that," she added, reaching up to fix his tie before she turned into a stuttering mess herself.

"LILY EVANS, WE ARE LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!" Mrs. Evans called up the stairs. Lily hurriedly finished her handiwork.

"Come on, Potter," she ordered, dragging him down the stairs by his perfectly tied tie.

The ceremony was long and about as painful as Lily had expected, but James did his best to keep her smiling with whispered sarcastic comments throughout the ordeal. By the end, Lily was finding it hard to focus on the fact that her sister had just married the most awful, boring Muggle imaginable; she was too distracted by the pain in her side from trying not to laugh at James' impressions of Vernon lumbering up the aisle, the extremely old, tottery minister performing the ceremony, and one of the bridesmaids, who was flirting shamelessly with one of the groomsmen from across the room. When it was time for the reception, she pulled James to his feet. "Dance with me, Potter?"

"I'd be delighted, Evans," he grinned, and he led the way to the dance floor. "Just do your best to keep up," he added with a wink.

However, it quickly became clear that although he was a wizard of many talents, dancing was not one of James' strong suits. He tripped and flailed and stepped on Lily's feet until she was helpless with laughter.

"I'm sorry, but you're horrible!" she gasped.

"What, and you can do better, Evans?"

"Yes, actually!" Lily cried. "You, on the other hand, are clearly a danger to others and yourself."

"I highly resent that," James pouted, but there was laughter in his eyes.

"Let's wait for a slow song," Lily said, shaking her head and walking towards the refreshments table. "Maybe that'll be safer." She grabbed a cupcake and passed another one to James.

"Thanks for coming," she said. "I don't think I could have gotten through this without you."

He smiled gently. "I was happy to do it. And I'm glad you asked me to come."

She smiled back at him, then looked around the room. Her eyes landed on her sister, surrounded by chattering guests. "Petunia told me not to talk to her, but it just feels wrong."

"You should talk to her if you want to. Just tell her congratulations and walk away," James said. "She can't object to that."

"Maybe not right now, though," Lily said. "Not with so many people around."

"It can always wait," James agreed. "Besides, there's a slow song on now. You can teach me to dance while the crowd dies down."

Lily allowed herself to be led to the dance floor. "Here," she said, placing one of his hands on her waist and taking hold of the other. "You don't even have to do much. Just move to the music."

"When you say it like that, it sounds easy," James complained.

"All you have to do is manage not to step on my feet," Lily told him. "If you can do that, then this will be a success."

"But Sirius says there's more to it than that," James said.

"Oh, well of course, Sirius is an authority on such things."

"He is!" James insisted. "He says you have to do this." Without warning, he dipped her. Lily shrieked, but he caught her easily and pulled her back to her feet. She fell into him, laughing.

"I should have invited Sirius instead," Lily said, shaking her head.

"How rude." James looked affronted.

When they left the dance floor, after many disastrous attempts at dips and spins, Lily was still laughing, and James was grinning widely. A short, elderly woman walked up to the pair of them, beaming.

"Hello, Lily dear," she said in a quavering voice. "And hello to you, too, young man."

"Grandma Rose!" Lily exclaimed in greeting, giving the old woman a hug. "It's so nice to see you!"

"And you, my dear! It's been far too long," Grandma Rose smiled. "And who might this be?"

"Sorry, Grandma, this is James," Lily said. "James, this is my Grandma Rose."

James went to shake Grandma Rose's hand, but she pulled him into a hug. "I saw the two of you on the dance floor. You make a wonderful couple," she beamed. Lily's eyes widened.

"Grandma Rose, we're not…"

"Yes, it's such a blessing to see the two of you together," Grandma Rose continued, patting Lily's hand and speaking over her. "I got to see my little Petunia get married, and I'd always hoped I'd live long enough to see both of my granddaughters find someone to love."

Lily had frozen with her mouth open in protest.

"And you, young man," Grandma Rose went on severely. "Don't you dare hurt my little granddaughter. You treat her right, you hear me?"

"I will, ma'am," James said, fighting hard to keep a straight face.

"She deserves the best, my granddaughter does," Grandma Rose went on. "And I'm so glad she found you."

"Thank you, ma'am. I agree, she deserves the world."

"Don't you forget it!" Grandma Rose admonished with a chuckle. "Well, it was lovely meeting you, darling. Hope to see you again very soon!" She patted James' arm, then pulled Lily aside. "You hold onto that one. He's a keeper!" she whispered audibly. Behind her back, James abruptly turned away to hide his laughter. Poor Lily could only nod, and Grandma Rose had swept away.

The second she was out of earshot, James collapsed into helpless laughter. Lily was still in shock, and chuckled nervously.

"Merlin, Lily, she wouldn't let you get a word in edgewise!"

"Well I couldn't correct her! She started talking about 'I hoped I'd live to see this' and what are you supposed to say to that?!"

"I love your grandmother," James laughed, straightening up and wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Well, she loves you, too," Lily said, glancing over her shoulder to where Grandma Rose was talking to a group of her friends. As they watched, she pointed openly at James, clearly extremely excited. James and Lily ducked around the corner to hide another peal of laughter.

Sighing herself back to seriousness, Lily looked at the clock. "It's probably about time for us to head back to Hogwarts," she said. "I should say bye to Petunia."

"Do you want me to come?" James offered.

Lily shook her head. "It might be better if it's just me alone."

James nodded. "I'll wait here, then." He smiled encouragingly, and with a deep breath, Lily walked towards her sister.

"Congratulations," she said, and Petunia turned towards her. Her expression was instantly guarded, but she didn't turn away.

"Thanks, Lily."

"You look beautiful," Lily added. "And I'm happy for you."

Petunia nodded, her expression softening marginally. "Thank you."

"I'll just…I'll just go now," Lily decided, turning away.

"Lily?"

Lily turned.

"I...I'm glad you came." Petunia said, unable to meet Lily's eyes.

Lily managed a smile and a nod as she turned once more to leave. She made her way back towards James.

"Did it go okay?"

"Yeah," Lily said. "Better than expected. But…I think I need to leave now."

With a nod, James offered his arm, and together they made their way back to the magical world.

* * *

Hope everyone enjoyed this one! I had to do a nice fluffy chapter before all the heartbreak sets in. Because what's a Jily fic without crying your eyes out over fictional characters? :) Review and I'll love you forever!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it took so long to update! Thanks so much to everyone who's stuck with this story so far!

Review and let me know if you like this one :)

* * *

Chapter 5

December came to Hogwarts softly and gently, settling like snow over the castle and the grounds. Everyone was aching to be gone for Christmas break, to be finished with classes, to see parents and family members and be reassured that they were safe. None of the students at Hogwarts now felt the same undercurrent of regret that the teachers did. The teachers alone now could remember how Hogwarts used to be, before death and darkness held their world in an iron grip. They remembered when laughter rang loud and clear, instead of quickly fading back into silence. The teachers remembered days when children said goodbye fondly to the magical halls, instead of walking quickly, as though making an escape. The children didn't know that students hadn't always walked huddled together, gripping their wands, through darkened hallways. Very few now remembered Christmas at Hogwarts being a time of vibrant joy and celebration, instead of a brief respite in the eye of the storm.

But Christmas has a certain magic that can bring light to even the darkest of times. The weight that settled over the school and its inhabitants lifted ever so slightly, and for just a little while, you could feel the fear begin to subside. Mistletoe, tinsel, and fairy lights soon lined the corridors, and it became harder to focus in lessons when instead one could watch the snow falling serenely outside of the window. For this reason, it would often become necessary for Lily to throw wadded up pieces of parchment at James to make sure he was paying attention. One such time, after a particularly excellent throw from Lily hit him squarely in the ear, James jumped so forcefully that he hit his knee hard on the underside of his desk. Eyes watering in pain, he turned backwards to face the grinning redhead.

 _What?_ he mouthed at her.

Lily lazily raised one hand in response and pointed at Professor McGonagall. _Pay attention,_ she ordered him silently.

James picked up her piece of parchment, scrawled a note on it, and threw it back to her the second McGonagall turned her back.

 **Why don't you take notes for once?**

Lily rolled her eyes and scribbled a response.

 _I took notes yesterday, you prat. Besides, you are the Transfiguration expert, are you not?_

Slightly gratified, James began to write a response, but as he was about to throw it back, Sirius dove for it and succeeded in wrestling the parchment from James' hand. He rolled his eyes, wrote something on the note with one hand, fending James off with the other, and tossed it back to Lily.

 **Of course I am** _,_ James had written, **but that means I don't HAVE to take notes. I'm naturally brilliant.**

Sirius had graded James' response, writing " _ **wrong**_ _"_ and marking it with a "T" for Troll in the top corner. _**You're not brilliant**_ **or** _ **natural, Prongs. Except maybe a natural disaster.**_

 _I'm going to have to agree with Padfoot on that one, James,_ Lily responded.

 **I am highly offended.**

 _ **Ha. Did you see that, Prongs? Padfoot. I get a nickname. Lily likes me better than you.**_

 **Everyone calls you Padfoot, Sirius. You're not special. But seriously, Lils, why don't you use my nickname?**

 _Because "Prongs" just sounds stupid,_ Lily scribbled back, smirking.

James' mouth fell open in indignation. Sirius snatched the note and glanced at Lily's response, letting out a quickly stifled bark of laughter. At the sound, McGonagall turned towards him, her mouth thinning dangerously. Panicking, Sirius shoved the note down his trousers. Lily and James exploded into laughter.

"Miss Evans! Mr. Potter. Kindly continue with Transfiguring your rabbits, or I will issue you both with a detention. And _no_ , Mr. Potter, being Head Boy does not make you automatically exempt from punishment."

James looked disappointed, but winked at Lily the second McGonagall's back was turned. He pretended to work industriously over his rabbit for a couple of minutes, until another note hit him in the back of the head.

 _The snow's pretty._

 **I am shocked and appalled. The Head Girl is focusing on snow instead of schoolwork. You should be ashamed.**

 _You filthy hypocrite. I think I'll go flying after class._

 **In a snowstorm? Alone? Too dangerous. I must insist upon accompanying you.**

 _Well, since you're insisting, Potter._

James didn't turn back around, but Lily knew he was smiling all the same.

* * *

"Race you, Evans!"

"Unfair!" Lily howled, although she sped along after him. "You're a bloody Quidditch player!"

James turned around to face her, grinning widely, as the wind whipped through his already tousled hair. "And you're keeping up!"

Lily grinned and did a few loops, shooting off into a steep dive. She pulled up at the last second, soaring back upwards into the open air. James watched, impressed. "Now Evans, why aren't you on my team?"

Lily tried to look humble and nonchalant but failed miserably. "I hear the Captain's horrible. Everyone hates him. Arrogant, egotistical type." They were the same insults she'd thrown at him for years, but they were accompanied now by a playful smile, and James understood that for once, she didn't believe them.

It was with flushed cheeks, windswept hair, and chapped hands that they made their way back to the castle, shivering, but smiling. The snow settled gently on Lily's curls, the cool white contrasting with the fiery red, and James found himself staring. He shook his head to clear it.

"Do you want me to come with you on patrol tonight?" he offered.

Lily smiled, but shook her head. "You still have that History of Magic essay to do. It's alright. I can manage by myself. Things have been pretty quiet recently."

"That's what scares me," James said, his smile fading.

"It's alright," Lily said, bumping him with her shoulder. "I can handle it fine by myself."

"I know you can. I just wish you didn't have to. If something does happen, if someone tries to hurt you…"

"I'm used to it," Lily said simply, and there was no self-pity in her voice. There was only quiet acceptance, and that hurt James more than all the rest. It sickened him to live in a world where Lily Evans—bright, beautiful, unfailingly kind Lily Evans—was targeted and shamed and hurt to the point where she had given up hope of doing anything about it.

"Don't say that," James said sharply. "It's not okay. None of this is okay."

"I know it's not."

With that, the pair subsided into silence. Because really, what more was there to say?

* * *

Lily kept an unusually tight grip on her wand that night. She remembered James' worried expression, the unusual quietness in the halls. This wasn't right. Something wasn't right at all. Despite herself, she could feel her heartbeat accelerating and her wand hand beginning to tremble.

Making a split-second decision, she tapped herself on the head with her wand, feeling the trickling sensation that meant her Disillusionment Charm had worked, rendering her nearly invisible. The spell was technically against regulations, but some unfamiliar instinct had kicked in, and Lily decided to act on it. Tonight, safety was her only on priority.

She crept silently down the eerily calm corridor, extinguishing the light from her wand tip. There was still a needling sensation that something was very wrong, but Lily couldn't quite put her finger on it. She shook her head slightly to rid her ears of the buzzing noise.

Lily froze. _The buzzing noise._

It would have seemed innocuous to anyone else, but to Lily, who was well acquainted with the sound, it was distinctive. Severus had shown her the spell years ago, and Lily and her friends had used it often in the years since. _Muffliato._ Someone was here. And that someone had something to hide.

Lily's eyes darted around. There were a few empty classrooms on the hallway, but the doors were all open and no one was inside. The broom closet was another possibility, but Lily quickly discerned that it was empty. This left only the staircase to the Astronomy Tower. Lily took the stairs at a run, still working hard to muffle her footsteps. Her wand was out and in front of her, and her heart was pounding so loudly she was half afraid it would give her away. But when she turned the corner and entered the classroom, she stopped still, the horror of the scene in front of her wiping everything else from her mind.

A motionless figure was sprawled on the ground, clearly unconscious, possibly dead. Blood seeped from countless deep cuts. The attackers were still surrounding the body, wands out. Lily's mind went blank from shock. She couldn't seem to move. Then one of the standing figures laughed, and strength surged back into Lily's limbs. Faster than thought, she removed her Disillusionment charm, facing the group with her wand in front of her and fury burning in her eyes. "Stop," she ordered in a low voice.

At the sound, the attackers whirled to face her. In that split second, Lily locked eyes with Severus. His eyes widened in shock.

And then all hell broke loose.

One of the boys, Lily was never quite sure which, fired a curse. Lily deflected it instinctively, firing back with one of her own. Her first two spells hit Severus, who fell to the ground, wandless and bound in silver cords. The other four assailants hurled curse after curse, but in Lily they met their match. Customarily her compassionate nature stayed her hand, but now Lily's fury broke through in all of its terrible power. She was a witch with incredible skill and in her anger she felt no fear. Within mere seconds, her adversaries lay in a heap at her feet. She felt no guilt, just a terrible, burning rage.

She raced to the bleeding figure. Upon closer inspection, she realized with a sick pang that she recognized the boy. His name was Aidan McAlister, and he was a fifth year Gryffindor.

If Lily had been in any doubt as to Aidan's blood status, she was no longer. The word "mudblood" was carved into the boy's forearm, among other slurs. Lily fought back the urge to vomit. She took his wrist and was relieved to feel a pulse beating. Quickly, she did the best she could to close up his cuts before conjuring a stretcher to carry him to the hospital wing. The Slytherin attackers were left to lie painfully on the cold stone floor, bound and gagged. Severus had looked up at her with pleading eyes, but she did not deign to respond as she swept out of the room, tucking each of their wands into her pocket.

* * *

James was violently upset. "I knew I should have gone with you. I bloody _knew_ it."

"James," Lily said, honestly concerned. "It's okay. I'm fine."

James was still shaking his head as he paced around the dormitory in agitation. "I should have been there. I should've…"

"James," Lily said, taking a step towards him. "It's over now. I'm alright."

"How…" with considerable effort, James took a steadying breath. "How's McAlister?"

"He'll be alright," Lily said heavily, sitting down on one of the armchairs. "He'll be in the hospital wing until Christmas break, though. And he'll have those scars forever."

"It makes me _sick_ ," James said in a low voice. "He's a good guy, McAlister. I can't believe it. I would have murdered every one of those bastards."

"I don't think that would have been the best way to handle the situation," Lily said dryly. "But," she added with a humorless laugh, a sharp edge creeping into her voice, "I'm sure it would have been really bloody satisfying."

"I just…" James seemed lost for words, gripping his hair in his hands. "I want to fight. I want to get rid of this. All of this."

"Me too."

"I know you do," James said, smiling a little despite himself. "And if you do fight…I don't think any of them would stand a chance against you."

"They wouldn't stand a chance against you, either," Lily returned.

"It's settled, then," James said, looking up at her. "You and me, we can take down Voldemort together."

Lily laughed a little. She knew James was joking, but somewhere far back in his eyes, she could see the desperation. He needed an absurd promise to cling to as he watched his world far apart. They both did. "You bet we will," she said.

Lily didn't sleep that night. She lay awake, watching the scene play out over and over in her head. McAlister's limp body on the bloodstained floor. Severus's pleading eyes. The rush of power, of strength, she felt when she began to duel. She had known the instant spells had begun to fly that they were no match for her. No one was a match for her.

She wondered at the potent rage she still felt pulsing through her. Somehow, the battle, though quick, had liberated something inside her. _I want to fight_ , she remembered James saying. Lily's lips twitched upwards in a mirthless smile. She knew she had the skill. And now she had the determination. This war would not be easily won, but she knew that she, too, was going to fight. And she was going to win.

When Lily walked into the common room of the Head Dormitories the next morning, she was surprised to find Sirius, not James, sprawled out on the couch. "Hey, Padfoot."

"Hello, Red," he replied easily.

She swept him a playful, though tired, glare. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you, too, Red."

"Call me that one more time."

Sirius smiled. "I wouldn't dare. Not after what you did to the bastards who attacked McAlister."

Lily nodded in satisfaction. "Thought so. But what _are_ you doing here?"

Sirius sat up slowly, the levity fading from his expression. "I have something to ask you."

"Okay," Lily said, with some trepidation.

Sirius took a deep breath. His face was impassive. "My brother."

"Ah," Lily said.

"He was there, wasn't he?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes betraying no hint of emotion.

"Yeah," Lily said heavily. "Yeah, he was."

"Did he…?" Sirius began, as though the words cost him incredible effort. But Lily understood.

"I don't know," she said. "They all had their wands out, but I don't know who actually…" her voice trailed off. Sirius was staring fixedly at the ground. "I have a pretty good idea, though," she added in a low voice.

Sirius looked up sharply.

"Severus," Lily said heavily. "It was his spell. I recognized it."

Sirius cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry, Lils."

"It's just…" Lily's voice wavered. She took a breath to steady herself. "He was my friend. And I know he's not anymore. He's chosen his path, and there's nothing I can do. I just wish…" she shook her head. "I hate to see him like that. I hate that this is what he's become. And I can't help wondering—I can't help wondering if there was anything I could have done." The words were coming in a rush now. "If somehow, if I had paid more attention, called him out earlier…"

"No," Sirius said firmly. "None of this is your fault. He made his own decision. There was nothing you could do."

Lily smiled faintly. "Thanks," she said, after a moment. "And hey," she added, lifting her head and looking him in the eye. "None of this is your fault, either."

Sirius could only nod.

They sat in silence for a long time.

"Anyway, Lil," Sirius said, finally managing a smile with enormous effort, "James told me to come find you. He, Peter, and Remus may be doing something involving Swelling Solution in the Slytherins' showers, but he said that since McAlister will be in the hospital wing for a while, Gryffindor needs a substitute to play Chaser. There's only one reserve, and she's been moved to fill the Seeker position."

"What happened to Emilie?" Lily asked, referring to the Gryffindor Seeker.

"Her older brother was killed by a group of Voldemort's followers," Sirius said grimly. "The funeral is tomorrow."

Lily was silent for a moment in shock and revulsion. She had never been close to Emilie, but she couldn't imagine what the younger girl was going through.

"Which means," Sirius added, "that Gryffindor is in desperate need of a Chaser. And James says you fly as well as anyone on the team."

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled. "Would I need to try out?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Lil."

Lily glared at him, but that obnoxious prat just grinned complacently. "There's a practice tonight," he added. "And as you know, the match is this Thursday. Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. Should be an easy win. And James and Marlene can carry the game on their own if need be. You won't have to do much."

"Good," Lily said in honest relief. "Alright. Just this one game, I'll help the team out."

Sirius smirked at her. "The team. Right. That's why you're doing it."

"It's too early in the morning to try to figure out what you're talking about, Black," Lily decided, rising from her spot in the armchair. She didn't turn back, but she knew Sirius' amused gaze was following her as she left.

* * *

The day of the match was cold. Rain drizzled drearily over the grounds, but every single student in Hogwarts was at the pitch as usual to watch the game. Sirius had lied ever so slightly. The Hufflepuff team was looking excellent this year, and whoever won this particular game would be catapulted into the front-running position for the Cup. But Lily was blissfully unaware of the high stakes of the match, even if no one else was. However, that's not to say she wasn't already nervous enough.

"James," she squeaked, peeking out of the changing rooms as she pulled her Quidditch robes on over her jeans and t shirt. "The whole school is here."

"And they will get to see the amazing Lily Evans in her first ever Quidditch match, before she became famous and went to play for Britain in the World Cup."

"James," Lily protested. "Not helping."

James smiled. "You don't need help. You're going to be fantastic. I promise, I wouldn't have asked you to do this if I didn't think you could."

"Sometimes I think you overestimate my abilities," Lily muttered.

"Hey," James said, pulling her chin up so she was looking him in the eye. "Never."

Lily suddenly realized, looking into James' warm hazel eyes, that it was rather hot and stuffy in this changing room. She was even beginning to have trouble breathing. She opened her mouth, not even sure what she was going to say, when the keeper, Bryant, called James over. "Potter? It's almost time."

The second James left her side, all of Lily's nerves returned in full force. She never remembered a word of James' pre-game pep talk, and the next thing she knew, the icy winds were tugging at her ponytail and she was blinking raindrops out of her eyes in front of thousands of roaring spectators. She let out a very un-Gryffindor-like whimper.

James turned around and smiled at her once before shaking hands with the Hufflepuff Captain. Lily realized she couldn't feel any of her limbs, whether from nerves or cold, she wasn't sure. Somehow, she managed to clamber onto her broom along with everyone else. Then the whistle sounded, she pushed off, and she was in the air.

The second her feet left solid ground, Lily's senses returned to her. This wasn't bad. This was just flying. She could do this. There had been no shortage of students who insisted that Lily would only be a detriment to the team. But Lily had been flying for years and had watched almost every Hogwarts Quidditch game since she was eleven. She knew the rules and some of the strategy and James had drilled diagrams and tips and tricks into her head non-stop for the past week. "But for all that," he told her, "don't try anything too complicated. Marlene and I can handle almost everything. Fly defensively, keep everyone off of our tails, and try to stay open if we're within the scoring area. And try not to get hit with a Bludger if you can help it."

Lily rolled her eyes, remembering Potter's comments as she soared towards the goalposts. James had seized the Quaffle and was streaking towards the Hufflepuff Keeper with Marlene on his tail. Lily sped up and swerved to block a Hufflepuff Chaser who was heading for Marlene. The Hufflepuff veered away to avoid her and Marlene easily caught James' pass, launching it through the left hoop before the Keeper had time to dive.

"Gryffindor scores!" Sirius howled into the megaphone down below, and Lily smothered a smile. McGonagall must have been insane to allow Sirius Black anywhere near a magical megaphone.

The next hour passed in a blur. Lily managed to catch one pass and quickly get the Quaffle back to Marlene, and she was immensely pleased with herself. She dropped the next pass that came her way, but James recovered it from the Hufflepuff with apparent ease. For the most part, she stuck to blocking the opposing Chasers and staying out of Marlene and James' way. Gryffindor was behind, but only by ten. The game was too close. It would all come down to the Seekers.

"And Warren of Hufflepuff seems to have sighted the Snitch!" Sirius yelled, his voice pitching upward in barely concealed panic. Warren was in a steep dive towards the Gryffindor end of the pitch, but Stella Waters, the reserve Gryffindor Seeker, was gaining on him. Warren, sensing her approach, dove for the Snitch, but too soon. His fingers grazed the tiny wings and he pitched forward on his broom just as Stella swooped past him and neatly snatched the Snitch from out in front of him. The stands went wild as Stella, Lily, and the rest of the team dismounted, flushed with their victory. Lily pulled Stella into a hug and the entire team swarmed around them, hugging and high-fiving and yelling themselves hoarse.

Marlene was grabbing her and screaming " _You were amazing!"_ in her ear, and Lily was screaming it back, and James was there with shining eyes and windswept hair and laughter, and if Lily had ever been happier than this, she couldn't remember it. And it was one of those moments, a moment where everything seems perfect and brighter and lovelier, and Lily wished she could hold onto that feeling for the rest of her life.

Eventually, the team broke apart, and the students in the stands began to head back towards the castle. The players, still laughing and joking, made for the changing rooms, with Sirius' promise of a celebratory party in the common room and James' insistence that "This win was for McAlister," still ringing in their ears.

And that was when they heard the screams.

Immediately, James turned to Lily. Her eyes, alight with fear and determination, met his, and in an instant they were sprinting together towards the castle, wands out, leading the rest of the team.

Lily thought somehow she had plunged into a horrible nightmare. Figures in silver masks and black cloaks were everywhere, firing hexes into the crowd of students. A few of the students were fighting back, but even as Lily watched, they began to be overpowered. Most students didn't bring their wands to a Quidditch match, and the younger ones were quickly overwhelmed. Screams and cries split the air. A few of the teachers could be seen dueling with the figures in masks, and McGonagall was holding her own against four at once. Lily searched frantically for Dumbledore. Where was Dumbledore?

A high-pitched, terrified scream made Lily whirl around. A young girl was being dragged away forcibly by a man in a mask, who Stunned her quickly, cutting her off mid-scream. Lily's Stunner hit the man directly in the chest, and he fell to the ground beside the girl. Lily raced towards them.

Suddenly, a curse flew out of the crowd and hit Lily in the back. She crumpled and fell, unconscious even before she hit the ground. The screams, James' voice crying out, the spells flying all around—everything faded into blackness.

* * *

"Lily!" James screamed, heart pounding in his chest, his blood ice cold in his veins. "LILY!"

He'd lost sight of her. How could he have lost sight of her? She had charged into the crowd without looking back, and James had been distracted by a Stunner that barely missed his right ear. _Why are they only using Stunners?_ a small voice in his head wondered, but James paid no attention. Lily was missing. Lily was gone. A blank horror filled his mind as he screamed her name once more. Terror removed all thoughts of mercy as he dueled more fiercely than ever before. But it wasn't enough. A prodigy though James Potter may be, he was no match for so many attackers at once. He felt his wand fly from his hand, and an instant later and a second spell threw him to the ground in a full body bind. Helpless, he watched as the masked figures obliterated the remaining defenders. McGonagall had been subdued, although it looked like she had taken at least twenty attackers with her. Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen. Bodies were strewn across the grounds that were now stained black with cloaks and red with blood. The masked figures began to retreat, leaving as quickly as they had arrived, but…James' heart seemed to stop beating entirely.

They were taking some students with them, dragging them behind them or levitating them with their wands. _Lily,_ he thought instantly. _Padfoot. Moony. Wormtail._ What if they had been taken? What if they had all been taken? He strained as hard as he could against the curse holding him in place, but to no avail. He tried to yell, to call out, but he couldn't make a sound. He was trapped. He was trapped, and he had failed. They could all be gone, and he hadn't been able to save any of them.

He was glad when unconsciousness claimed him.

But his reprieve was brief. When he awoke, to a pale Sirius unsteadily removing the curse, a bleeding Remus behind him, it was Remus who broke the news. Peter was there, recovering. But Lily…James knew before Remus even said a word.

Lily was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone! Sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with me. You're the best :)

This is a pretty dark chapter, not gonna lie. But it's long, as a kind of thank you for putting up with the two month wait. So enjoy!

Also, this chapter is dedicated to my little sister, who has helped me out a lot with planning out and reviewing this fic. She requested this chapter, so happy birthday, sis, and I hope you like it!

* * *

Lily awoke with a start, her eyes flying open and her heart thudding in her chest. Fighting through the lingering grogginess, she tried to take inventory of her surroundings. The room was dark. There was one small window, through which dusty pale light filtered in through thick metal bars.

She wasn't alone. The room was full of other people, most of whom seemed to be lying down, still unconscious. Some were huddled against the stone walls, shivering uncontrollably from fear and cold. There didn't seem to be any guards, so, cautiously, Lily began to sit up, ignoring the throbbing pain in her head.

The air around her seemed to have an unnatural weight to it. _Enchanted_ , Lily guessed. Clambering to her feet, she tried to spin on the spot and Apparate. The air, instead of bending away to allow her to pass through, seemed to close in around her, barring her from escaping. She was trapped.

"No use," confirmed a voice from the shadows.

Lily squinted, but she couldn't quite make out the face of the speaker. "Who are you?"

"It's me, Luke. That's you, isn't it, Lily?"

Lily's eyes flashed with sudden recognition, and she stepped towards Luke, a seventh year Hufflepuff who sat across from her in Arithmancy. "Yeah," she said. "Where are we?"

"No idea," Luke replied, rising slowly to his feet. He leaned against the wall for support, wincing in pain. "They took my wand."

"Why are we here?" Lily wondered, looking around at the feebly stirring bodies around her. "What do they want with us?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't know, but they didn't take everyone. They knew who they were going for. I saw one guy blast four students out of the way to get to Lincoln Bates."

"And they only used Stunners," Lily remembered. "Which means they needed us captured alive."

"Not necessarily unharmed, though," Luke added with a humorless laugh, shifting his weight off of his injured leg.

"You're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you?" Lily asked.

Luke looked up, gauging her expression. "Are you saying you think it's… _him_?"

"Who else?"

He took a deep breath. "Fair point."

"But why? What's he after?"

"When has he ever needed an excuse to attack muggle-borns?" Luke asked bitterly.

"Muggle…you're muggle-born?"

"Yeah."

"Of course," breathed Lily. "Of course that's how they'd differentiate. But that doesn't explain how they knew. Or why they didn't just kill us."

"Maybe he just wanted to make a nice neat job out of it," Luke suggested.

But Lily shook her head. "They wouldn't have gone through all that trouble to bring us here alive just to slaughter us all at once. Maybe it's for some kind of ransom. Or it could be a trap." Lily bit her lip. "We need a plan. We need to find a way out of here, or at least find out what they're going to do to us."

Luke paled slightly but nodded. "Agreed."

Lily turned to address the room at large, her voice hushed but commanding. "Does anyone have a wand?"

She looked out over the room, filled with shaking heads and limp bodies. "Anyone at all?"

"Lily?" someone called, and towards the back corner of the room Lily could make out the shape of a child rising from the floor. Lily's blood turned to ice. _Of course._

Raven made her way towards Lily, carefully watching her step as she navigated around the limp bodies. A rush of almost maternal protectiveness surged through Lily at the sight of the tiny girl in the darkness, looking pale and scared but tilting her chin up in an attempt at bravado.

"Hey, Rae," Lily managed.

"Lily?" Raven repeated. As she got closer, Lily saw a bleeding gash above the girl's right eye that made her stomach clench with rage. Whoever had hurt this little girl would pay. They would all pay.

"Are…" Raven's voice was hesitant. "What are we going to do?"

Lily stepped towards the girl and pulled her into a tight hug. Her mind was working in overdrive, searching anew for a way out, any way out. "I…I don't know. I don't know, honey, but I swear I will get you out of this."

"Lily…" it was another voice. Lily turned and saw that most of the room was turned in her direction, everyone's eyes trained on hers. "Do you have a plan?"

The Head Girl was no stranger to being in charge. But this?

Lily looked out over the sea of Muggle-borns who had endured taunts, discrimination, and threats for their entire lives. None of them knew what it was to live without fear. But in school, there is always someone else to run to. This was the real world, and there was no one to save them. No one but Lily. And if Lily made one wrong move, everyone in this room could be dead within the hour.

She squared her shoulders, mentally reviewing what she knew. "None of us have wands, and there's no way to Apparate out. There are bars on the window that we have no hope of breaking manually. This is going to sound ridiculous, but has anyone tried the door to make sure it's locked?"

"I did," a Slytherin near the exit piped up. "It's locked."

"And everyone in this room is Muggle-born?"

There was a sea of nodding heads.

Lily took several deep breaths, trying to repress the growing tide of panic inside her. "Okay. Okay. So we know what they're looking for. We just don't know why. But we do know this: You-Know-Who has never needed an excuse to kill Muggle-borns. We are nothing more than animals to him and his followers." She paused and looked around the room, raking her gaze over the silent figures. "And that is our best asset."

She wasn't entirely sure where her last words came from, but she knew they were true the second they escaped her mouth. "They will underestimate us, which will give us an edge. They've taken our wands, which means they've taken our magic. And to them, that makes us worthless." Lily paused.

"But we aren't," supplied Raven, a note of tentative confidence creeping into her voice.

"No. We're not. There is something we have that they don't have."

Lily's voice was confident, but the panic was building now. _What? What did they have?_ Their captors believed they were worthless, true, but Lily was increasingly inclined to agree with them. They had no weapons, no chance for escape, next to no options, and probably no time. She took a deep breath.

"We have something worth fighting for."

She was spewing clichés now. She was panicking, but she had Raven by her side. She had children looking at her with trust in their eyes, teenagers fighting the growing tide of hopelessness because they believed in her. They needed her to hold it together. They needed…they needed to believe they had a chance.

"Does anyone know martial arts? Any form of hand to hand combat?"

Luke, behind her, raised his hand. "I know a little. I did wrestling before I came to Hogwarts."

"We don't know how much time we have before they come for us," Lily said. "Just give us the basics. If they get close to you, get you in a headlock, can you show us how to escape?"

Luke called up a friend to demonstrate, and Lily took the momentary distraction to take several deep breaths. The attention of the entire room was fixated on Luke, and she could feel the determination and a sense of purpose building. They had a plan now. They had a strategy. They had a way to fight.

Lily's heart shattered as she watched them.

She knew. She had known from the moment she awoke and saw the room that there was no chance to fight, no chance to escape. Maybe she was deluding them, giving them false hope. But looking around the room at her friends, she knew she had no choice. Because this is what heroes do. There will always be situations in which there is no way to win, but a hero strides into battle nevertheless, head held high. A hero ignores their fear and their weakness to protect and give hope to others. She would not allow them to go to their deaths timid, hopeless, and afraid. She would not allow them to go down without a fight.

Lily was a hero.

Lily was shattered.

"Alright, so does everyone get it?" Luke asked. There was a sea of nodding heads. Raven was repeating the motion over and over, as if it was a ritual that could protect her from harm.

Lily cleared her throat.

"Okay," she said. Her voice was quiet but carried through the ringing silence. "As I said before, we probably don't have much time. They could come for us at any moment. Play dead until the last possible second. If you get a chance, sprint for the door, and take as many people with you as possible. There is strength in numbers. Protect your friends, and fight hand to hand if necessary. Do what Luke showed you. And if you get a chance, run. It doesn't matter where. Just run. Do your best to get a wand, but stay out of the way if you can. Our best chance is rescue, so prioritize staying hidden and staying safe for as long as possible."

She looked around the room. "I don't know why we're here, but I think they want something from us. I can't order you to sacrifice your lives, and I won't try. But remember who they are and what they stand for. We believe that You-Know-Who's followers have brought us here. These people are murderers. They are the reason you have lived in fear for your entire life. Fight them. Do not give in. You are worth more than they will ever understand."

It felt to Lily as though the entire room was holding its breath. No one moved or spoke. All eyes were fixated on her.

She motioned for all of them to lay down, then placed a finger on her lips. They needed the element of surprise. She laid back down on the hard, rocky floor, wincing as she felt something sharp stick into her bruised shoulder. Luke was on one side of her, Raven on the other. Lily felt Raven's hand grip hers and she squeezed it back.

And they waited. Lily's mind was in overdrive, wondering if she had wasted these last few precious minutes of time before their captors came for them. Here, now, in the electric silence, she could feel her heart pounding so loudly in her ribcage that she was half afraid it would give them away. She focused on steadying her breathing. Now was not the time to fall apart.

It felt like years that they laid there, waiting for death, as it seemed. Through her panic, a few thoughts fought to swim to the forefront of her mind: her mother, father, Marlene, James, Petunia…a sharp pain shot through her heart, and she pushed the memories back. She was going to see them again. She was going to make everything right.

The door flew open.

* * *

James was beside himself.

They were in the Great Hall, which had temporarily been turned into a hospital wing. Peter had gone down early in the fighting. He had several deep slashes across his chest, which Madam Pomfrey, the new healer, had covered in a purple salve. Sirius had been knocked out by a physical blow to the head after he had been disarmed and sprung at his attacker, punching and kicking every inch of him that he could reach. Remus had been Stunned and had fallen down the steep slope leading down to Hagrid's hut, but his injuries were mostly minor. He was attempting to reason with James while Sirius sat next to Peter in stony silence, his eyes hollow and full of rage.

"I don't…I DON'T CARE, MOONY! WE NEED TO GO AFTER THEM!" James roared, and Remus whipped out his wand.

"If you don't calm down, I will hex you here and now," he threatened. "I know, I KNOW!" he raised his voice to drown out James'. "But James…James! We don't know where they are!"

"We'll find them," James said, running his hands through his hair distractedly. "They must have left tracks…"

"McGonagall and Dumbledore went after them already," Peter reminded him.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing!" James screamed, and edge of hysteria creeping into his voice. "WHAT IF THEY KILLED HER, WORMTAIL?"

"We won't just sit here," Sirius said, his voice low but fierce. James paused, his mouth still hanging open. "We're going after them."

Remus turned and glared at him. "Alright, but how?"

Sirius stood and put his hands on James' shoulders. "First of all. Focus, man. You can't do anything when you're all worked up like this." James nodded once and took a deep breath, still running one hand through his hair. "We need to get out of here," Sirius continued, turning to Remus. "We'll offer to carry injured students to the Great Hall, but when we get out onto the grounds, we make our escape. Prongs, you're fastest. You can transform and make a run for it. Moony and I can use my broom and the Invisibility Cloak. We'll meet in Hogsmeade and Apparate from there."

"You don't want me to come?" Peter asked, looking at once relieved and slightly offended.

"Don't be thick, Wormtail," Remus said. "Of course we do. But you're in no shape to fight."

"Why don't we take the secret passageway?" James asked.

"It's too slow and there are teachers patrolling the corridors," Remus responded immediately. He looked at Sirius. "Tell me that for once in your life, you have an actual plan."

Sirius nodded once. "We," he said grimly, "are going to find my dear brother."

* * *

When the door to the cell opened, there was complete silence for one count, then two.

And then all hell broke loose.

Those nearest to the door leapt to their feet and rushed the hooded figure, temporarily taking him aback. The rest of the room followed at a full sprint, leaping over the bodies of those who hadn't regained consciousness in time. Lily's heart ached for them, but she too sprang for the door.

The first few students went down at the hands of the guard. He called out, yelling for backup, and Lily froze temporarily. She knew that voice.

"MULCIBER!"

Lily's voice cracked through the air like a whip, and the figure turned. A wiry fifth-year Ravenclaw took advantage of his momentary surprise to dive tackle the Slytherin, freeing the exit for the other students to stream through. Mulciber had lost his wand, and the Ravenclaw dove for it. Mulciber yelled in fury and lashed out at the younger boy, knocking his hand away.

"Lily!" Raven cried, standing frozen in the doorway. Lily hesitated for just a moment, and then tore her eyes away from the Ravenclaw and ran, pulling Raven behind her. Her duty was to the group as a whole. They needed her.

The Muggleborn army burst through the door into a narrow corridor with doors lining the hall. "Straight ahead!" Lily ordered. The students continued at a run, Lily overtaking the pack. If it came to a fight, she would be the first to fall.

They barely made it through the door.

From around the corner came a dozen figures in flowing black cloaks and silver masks, firing Stunners at random into the crowd. Mulciber's backup had arrived.

And, as it often happens, it was precisely at that moment that everything began to go horribly wrong.

Raven, standing stock still in fear, was Lily's salvation. Half of the group, Lily included, rushed forward towards the oncoming horde, but Raven's hand, suddenly vicelike in hers, stopped her cold.

Without the full force of the group behind them, the first wave of Muggleborns fell like rag dolls, taken down by the jets of red light flying in every direction. Raven had gained Lily a split second, and now the older girl ran full out, dragging Raven behind her. If she had run when she'd wanted to, she would be one of the bodies littering the floor. As it was, the first group shielded her just enough for her to make it. Together, the girls broke through the line, escaping unscathed. If they had just sprinted for the exit, they might have gotten through the door just in time.

But this was Lily Evans.

And she looked back.

"STOP!" A voice rang out, so full of rage and authority that the entire room stopped dead. Turning towards him, Lily's heart dropped out of her chest.

The owner of the voice, who couldn't have been more than seventeen, had his wand pressed against the throat of a young girl. She had the blue robes of a Ravenclaw, and her eyes were filled with terror that she fought not to let register on her face.

"Everyone stop, or I will kill her."

All eyes turned to Lily, effectively identifying her as the leader. In the second of hesitation, the other masked figures moved quickly around the room, sealing the exits. Maybe the boy was calling their bluff, but now they were trapped, whatever Lily chose.

"Everyone stop," she said, keeping her face impassive. "Do what they tell you."

"Smart Mudblood," the boy commented smugly. Lily fought the urge to spit in his face.

"Now," he continued. "The Dark Lord has a service he requires from one of you. We are here to determine whether or not each of you is worthy. If you're not…" he grinned, a coldly ominous grin, apparently relishing the suspense he had created. "I'll leave you to your deductions. You"—he pointed to a couple of masked figures near the door "—go assemble the unconscious ones. Bring them here to me.

"I think we'll start with this one here," he decided. He grabbed the girl he was holding roughly by one shoulder and pushed her into one of his companions, who dragged her out the door. Her hysterical screams echoed down the hallway, reverberating in Lily's eardrums. Her brain seemed to have stopped functioning entirely. She couldn't feel her limbs.

"You as well," the boy decided, pointing to a group of Hufflepuffs huddled together near the door. The masked figures converged around them and forced them forward, down the hallway.

Raven was shaking like a leaf, her face pressed to Lily's side. The students around them were gradually descending into hysteria, screaming and crying and rocking back and forth. Within moments, the room was a howling din of chaos, spinning around and pressing into Lily's temples until she could barely breathe. It was the sound of blind, mind-numbing terror, and briefly Lily wondered why no one stopped it. Shouldn't someone cast a charm, some sort of curse that would end this? End all of this?

But no, he wouldn't, she realized, looking at the boy, who was clearly the leader. He actually drew pleasure from this, from the slow degradation of human rationality into pure, unadulterated fear. For a moment, her hatred for this monster drove out every other emotion inside her. _I will end you,_ she vowed, as slowly her panic gave way to rage. _I will end you._

The next few minutes seemed to stretch on for years. There was no room in anyone's mind for anything but terror.

Eventually, the masked figures returned. The boy looked up at their approach, but they shook their heads. The boy only smiled. "Next group, then. How about…you?"

Lily cried out as strong hands grabbed her around the waist, yanking her bodily off her feet. She screamed and kicked, lashing out with all her might, but to it was no use. She was dragged down the long hallway, past stone walls lined with torches, and finally to a staircase that led into a large, brightly lit chamber.

Lily blinked rapidly as the light hit her eyes.

A woman was kneeling in the center of the room. A rough hand on Lily's back shoved her forward, and she fell, skidding across the floor.

The woman looked up, but her eyes were strangely blank. She looked straight through Lily, completely expressionless. There were several cries to Lily's right as three more students were thrown to the floor. She tried to turn to see them, but a hand closed around her neck, forcing her head down.

"Now," a voice drawled, and Lily froze, stunned. She knew that voice, too. Lucius Malfoy. She spat a few choice words in his direction, but he simply laughed. "Now, now. Lily, is it? The Mudblood leading the school. How…interesting." He drew closer, stopping when he was near enough for her to hear him breathing.

"Why don't we start with this one here?" he whispered.

"Go to hell," Lily growled.

"Undoubtedly," Lucius smirked. "But it seems as though you'll beat me there."

He snapped his fingers, and Lily's captor pulled her to her feet.

"Your job," Lucius said, "is to pick up that necklace. Everyone who has tried so far has died. Painfully."

Involuntarily, Lily gasped. The Ravenclaw girl. The Hufflepuffs. All the students who had gone before them. Had they…?

"But who knows?" Lucius smiled coldly. "This," he announced, gesturing to the kneeling woman, "is Delphi, named for the city where the ancient Greek oracle was said to live. Delphi herself is a Seer, and she has prophesied that the fate of this war, the Dark Lord's victory or defeat, hinges entirely on one Muggleborn." He paused, allowing himself a derisive snort. "The Muggleborn in question will supposedly bring forth a weapon that will prove to be either the Dark Lord's greatest asset, or his greatest undoing. And this lucky little Mudblood, for whatever reason, is the only one worthy to claim this necklace."

Lily opened her mouth, but Lucius cut her off. "The prophecy states that the Mudblood to whom the prophecy refers is a student. That is why you're here. And I am telling you this simply because either you will know soon enough, or you will be dead. I don't particularly care which."

Lily couldn't see his expression through the mask, but she could imagine his cold, calculating stare.

"Bring her here."

Lily was forced to her feet. She started to turn and run, but suddenly found herself unable to move. Against her will, she felt her arm stretching out. She tried to pull it back, but Lucius had his wand out, forcing her to draw closer.

The necklace, a silver chain with a softly luminescent, swirling pendant, was six centimeters away. Three. Lily was straining against the spell with all her might, her muscles screaming in agony. But it was no use. Two centimeters. One.

Lily's finger brushed the necklace. One of the masked figures turned away slightly, as though he couldn't bear to watch.

Nothing happened. One second passed, then two.

On the third beat, Lily's eyes flew open and her head lifted up as though pulled by some invisible force. A voice echoed in her ears, seeming to reverberate throughout the room, but instinctively she knew no one else could hear.

 _BORN INTO MAGIC, FIRST IN THAT LINE_

 _SHALL BRING INTO BEING THE WEAPON DESIGNED_

 _TO HERALD THE END, THE WAR'S OUTCOME DECIDE,_

 _THE DARK LORD FORCE TO FALL OR RISE._

 _FROM NON-MAGIC ROOTS INTO WIZARDRY BORN,_

 _VALIANT HERO, BE THOU WARNED:_

 _THIS POWER COMES AT TERERIBLE PRICE:_

 _BEFORE THE WAR ENDS, IT WILL TAKE YOUR LIFE._

 _NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME MAY BE,_

 _YOU SHALL NEVER SEE EITHER SIDE'S VICTORY._

 _AND TO ALL OTHERS THIS HERO MAY LOVE_

 _BEFORE THE WAR'S END, DEATH ALSO WILL COME._

Lily fell to the ground, the necklace still clasped in her hand. Her ears were still ringing with the ethereal voice.

 _To all those the hero may love…before the war's end, death also will come._

No. No, no, no. No…

"IT'S HER!" Lucius screamed. "We've found her!"

 _No, no, no…_

"LILY!" a voice cried, piercing into Lily's consciousness. "LILY, RUN!"

She couldn't think. She couldn't move. _Take your life…_

"LILY!" Raven screamed from where she was lying on the floor.

Lily, slowly, as though she were underwater, rose to her feet.

"RUN, LILY!" Raven screamed again, and then cried out in pain as her captor's boot collided with her stomach. He silenced the young girl with a flick of his wand, but too late. Lily, still dazed, started to run, not expecting to get three feet before being brought down by a spell or a curse.

Suddenly, without warning, Lucius dropped to the floor, unconscious. All around the room, masked figures did the same, falling before their wands were even raised.

" _Run, Lily!"_ another voice yelled, and this was a voice Lily would know anywhere.

Severus.

He pulled off his mask, his eyes unreadable. "Run," he repeated, his face impassive. "He's called the Dark Lord. You don't have much time." He turned his wand once more on his companions, muttering "Obliviate," under his breath.

"Lily, GO!" Raven yelled a third time.

This jolted Lily into action. "Come on!" she yelled back to Raven and the other two students. "Come on!"

Raven and the other students jumped to their feet and started after her. Lily grabbed a wand from one of their fallen assailants and threw another one to Raven. Raven did the same for the other two.

The doors flew open behind them, and dozens of masked figures burst into the room. "Which one is it?" One yelled at Severus, who opened his mouth to respond.

Before he could say a word, however, Voldemort himself materialized in the doorway.

The entire room fell deathly silent, as though his very presence drew life from those around him. Lily's heart, which had been racing in her chest, seemed to stop completely still.

"Where is it? Where is the Mudblood?" Voldemort asked, his voice high and cold and eerily snakelike.

The only answering sound was a deafening crash as the entire far wall exploded _._ The blast shook the entire room, and Dumbledore himself strode through the gaping hole. Eyes blazing with fury, McGonagall at his side, he began shooting spells faster than Lily could believe a person could move.

They were saved.

Voldemort began dueling with Dumbledore, his wand flashing faster than thought. McGonagall shot curses into the crowd, taking down several masked figures at once. Lily leapt into action as well, sending curses of her own and feeling the others do the same beside her. Lily backed up instinctively towards the wall as she cursed and deflected. To her left, she hoped the others were doing the same.

"ALRIGHT, EVANS?" A voice behind her yelled. Disbelieving, she turned. None other than James Potter was sprinting towards her, with Sirius and Remus in hot pursuit. They leapt through the hole in the wall and sprinted towards the battle.

"Stay back, Evans!" Sirius called, and sprinted into the thick of the fray. Shaking off her shock, Lily went to follow him.

"Stay here, and stay safe," she said, turning to Raven. But Raven wasn't there.

In Lily's peripheral vision, she saw a blur. A yellow and black blur, with dark gold hair flying…

"RAVEN!" Lily screamed, her voice catching as panic rose in her throat. She started to run after the girl, who was following Sirius at a full sprint. "RAVEN, COME BA—"

Lily didn't get the rest of the sentence out in time.

Raven didn't move in time.

The green light hit her full in the chest, picking the young girl off her feet and throwing her, the life ripped from her body in an instant, to the ground.

Lily screamed, a scream that tore at her throat and made her blood run cold. All of the horror and pain and terror and grief and guilt that had built up inside her came pouring out in a torrential wave.

It was the sound of a life ending too early and a heart torn in two.

James heard it, and that scream would echo in his ears until the day he died.

 _She can't be gone. She can't. This is all a dream. This is a horrible dream…_

Lily crumpled to the ground, just as Raven had. But Raven could no longer feel pain. Lily could feel pain, feel pain so acutely that there was no room for anything else. Raven's eyes had been frozen open wide, shock reflecting in them. Lily could see those eyes with laughter in them, with admiration, with trust, as they had stared into hers in those final moments in the cell.

 _I swear, I will get you out of this._

"I'm sorry," Lily tried to say, but her voice caught in her throat as she choked back the tears that were fighting to escape. "I tried, Rae, I tried. I…"

Mercifully, unconsciousness claimed her.

* * *

Lily swam in and out of a black abyss of blissful oblivion. She was briefly aware that the battle had ended. Someone was carrying her. She recognized the smell of him, the way he moved, the sound of his breathing.

James.

She curled into him, pressing her tear-stained face against his shirt. He instinctively held her closer, lowering his head so it rested on hers.

 _Love you,_ she thought, through the haze of pain. _Love…_

She froze.

And suddenly, Lily knew.

She loved James Potter. She was there, in his arms, breathing him in, and she knew. She saw him laughing as she rolled on the floor with her cat, felt his shoulder brushing against hers, saw the light in his eyes when he looked at her. She saw the day under the lake, felt his hand on her back as they danced, felt her heart skip a beat as he drew closer. She recalled thousands of moments in the span of that one second: thousands of stolen moments where her world had slid into place and she didn't know why. But she knew now. She loved James, James, who was bright and alive and _real_ , and he was there. How had she never understood before, understood that there was a reason the world seemed lighter and her tension would fade? How had she never realized? They had wasted so much time. Too much time. But now he was here, and he was holding her, and she loved him so much it she felt as though she'd explode just from feeling. In her pain, she was almost afraid.

But one thought drifted to the front of her mind.

 _To all others this hero may love…_

Lily's blood turned to ice. She couldn't. She couldn't love James. If she loved him, she would lose him too.

It was all James, it had always been James. She knew that now, knew with a certainty that throbbed in the shattered remains of her broken heart. But she was too late. He would find someone, someone with whom he could be safe. And Lily…Lily would never hurt him again.

Unable to stop herself, she buried her face once more in the soft folds of his shirt, breathing him in, letting the smell of him fill her lungs. For just this final golden moment, he was hers.

She couldn't fight the darkness any longer. She allowed it to pull at her, to pull her reason away along with her pain. She sank into unconsciousness, with James' heartbeat echoing in her ears as she fell.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Lily awoke in a white bed enclosed by white curtains, feeling like her entire body was filled with lead. Her thoughts were slow and sluggish, churning around in her aching head. For a moment, she felt nothing at all. And then the memory of the battle crashed down over her like a tidal wave, leaving her gasping and suddenly desperately wishing to lose consciousness again.

Raven.

She opened her mouth, but the only sound that came out was a hoarse whimper. She tried again, but her raw throat closed the words inside of her, choking her.

Someone turned quickly at the sound and bent over her. His face swam into focus above her. She saw hazel eyes rimmed by dark frames, and a lock of hair, forgotten, that fell down over his forehead. Merlin, he was beautiful.

His eyes were wide with fear that was dispersed slightly by a flicker of hope as his eyes met hers. But instantly, almost unconsciously, Lily found herself recoiling. She jerked backwards, ramming her shoulder against the bedframe. James reached out for her, muttering gentle, soothing words, but Lily shook her head over and over, whipping her tangled red hair back and forth.

"No…James…"

"It's okay," he said, his voice low and soothing. "Lily, it's just me."

Instead of calming her, his voice acted as a spark to a flame: Lily shook her head faster, instantly reverting to blind panic. James couldn't be here. James was in danger. She, Lily, was putting him in danger.

"No!" She screamed, raising her voice to drown out his. She ducked her head, forcing herself to avert her eyes. "Get out! _Get out!_ "

Against her will, her gaze flickered up for a split second, just long enough to see the hurt and confusion in James' eyes. Her heart gave a sickening throb at the look on his face, but she turned away, knowing she couldn't get the next words out otherwise. _"Just get away from me!"_

James opened his mouth to argue, but Madam Pomfrey, who had run over at the sound of Lily's screams, was shoving him bodily out of the door. Lily collapsed facedown back into her bed, silent for a moment in her shock. She heard Madam Pomfrey raising her voice to what sounded like a large crowd, who seemed to be putting up a rather impressive fight. "Mr. Black, if you do not leave right now I will see to it that you are expelled. The same goes for you, Miss McKinnon!"

Marlene's next words were drowned out by Mary's shouts, but Lily got the gist. So did Madam Pomfrey. "That's a week's worth of detentions for you, and if I ever hear that kind of language again, I will administer a Scouring Solution!"

"I want to know what the bloody hell's wrong with my friend!" Marlene screamed.

Lily stayed motionless, dry-eyed and silent, her face covered by the sheets.

Madam Pomfrey lowered her voice, but Lily could still hear snatches of the conversation. "In shock…post-traumatic stress disorder…"

Lily was slowly being suffocated by the sheets, but she didn't move. Marly. Mary. Alice. What was she going to do about her friends? They must be in danger too. Anyone she loved would die. The prophecy had made that very clear. But was it too late for them? She'd lived years without James, even hating him for most of them. Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe she didn't really love him. He could still be saved, as long as he stayed far away. She would forget James. He could be safe. But Marlene? Her parents? Petunia? How did you simply stop loving people? Would they really die simply because she cared for them, as she had for Raven?

Bile rose into her throat, and she leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. Madam Pomfrey rushed over, a cool rag in one hand and a calming potion in the other.

"Shh," the young nurse commanded, gently placing a hand on Lily's shoulder to force her to lean into the pillows. "Drink this."

Lily accepted the potion mechanically and downed it in one gulp. Immediately, her breaths began to even out. "Thank you," she managed, handing the glass back. The nurse didn't smile, but her expression softened slightly.

"Can you tell me what happened, dear?" she asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lily started to shake her head but paused, her mouth open slightly. Madam Pomfrey looked intently at her. "Is there someone you'd like me to call? Or would you rather be alone at the moment?"

The potion had calmed Lily's thoughts slightly, but certain memories refused to fade, as hard as she tried to push them away. Marlene's screams, James' worried frown, Raven's wide, empty eyes...

"Dumbledore," Lily blurted out. "Can you get Dumbledore?"

Madam Pomfrey regarded her for a moment, then nodded once. "I will see what I can do."

It was several minutes before Madam Pomfrey returned, Dumbledore sweeping along in her wake. She retired to her office to give the two some privacy, and Dumbledore, eyes twinkling with gentle concern, sat on the edge of Lily's bed. He waited for a moment, but Lily remained silent, unsure of where to begin.

"As I understand it," Dumbledore finally said, "I must extend to you my sincere gratitude."

Lily looked up, confused.

"I have been told by several students that today, you showed incredible bravery and leadership in the face of unspeakable horrors. There are very few people who could have done what you did."

Lily could only shake her head. "I didn't do anything," she muttered.

"Of course you did, dear girl," Dumbledore said gently. "You gave them hope and courage when they needed it most."

"Well it didn't do them any good, did it?" Lily snapped. "I led them right to their deaths. I didn't save anyone."

Dumbledore simply watched her for a moment, his gaze piercing. Lily continued to glare at her sheets.

"I can't save anyone," she whispered. "I'm not a hero." _I'm a curse._

"Curse?" Dumbledore asked quietly, and Lily froze. Had she said that last part aloud?

"It's nothing," she said, cautiously.

"I very much doubt that," Dumbledore replied lightly. "Surely you don't believe that any of this was your fault?"

"You don't understand," Lily snapped.

"You are right about that," Dumbledore said, smiling softly, which aggravated Lily still further. "So why don't you help me to?"

Lily simply glared, breathing heavily. Could she tell him? She didn't see how it could make the situation any worse, and if anyone could help, it would be Dumbledore.

She sighed, and before she could second-guess herself, she began.

"There was this locket," she finally said.

Dumbledore only nodded. "I've heard as much from the others."

"They said," she pushed on, "That only one of us was worthy to touch it. And the one who could would be extremely useful to the Dark Lord. They could prove his greatest asset, or his greatest undoing, or something like that. That's why they couldn't hurt any of us. In case we could be useful to him."

Dumbledore nodded, silently inviting her to continue.

"They brought us in groups to this huge room—the room where you found us. And said that everyone who had tried to hold the locket before me had...well…it killed them." She choked a little on the last words. "And they forced me to try to take it. Nothing happened at first, but then I heard this horrible voice. I don't think the rest of them could hear it, but it was some kind of prophecy. And it said that there would be a hero who would forge the weapon that would decide the war. They said the hero was a Muggleborn, a student, which must be why they targeted all of us. They just didn't know which of us it was."

Dumbledore looked troubled now, nodding silently. "May I ask what else you remember from the prophecy?"

Lily nodded, some of the panic she had been repressing struggling to break free. She took a steadying breath. "It said…it said that the power to make Voldemort rise or fall came at a terrible price." Lily broke off, and Dumbledore leaned forward.

"Did the prophecy explain any further?"

"It said that anyone the hero…anyone I love would die by the time this war's over," Lily said, looking Dumbledore in the eye for the first time. He looked troubled.

"And what do you intend to do about it?" he asked finally.

"Do about it?" Lily asked, incredulous. "It's my destiny! What _can_ I do?"

"Prophecies," Dumbledore replied, "are fickle things. They do not choose us. We choose them."

"So," Lily said, struggling to make sense of the words. "I could reject the prophecy if I wanted to?"

Dumbledore regarded her seriously. "You told me that the prophecy stated that you would be the hero who would decide the outcome of this war, yes?"

Lily nodded.

"You could stay out of the fight. Remain neutral, and the prophecy would be incomplete. Not all prophecies that are spoken come true. You always have a choice, you see."

"Stay…" the potion had dulled Lily's senses slightly, and her mind was spinning. "All I have to do is stay out of the fight?"

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "I believe that would be all that would be necessary."

"But I would give up the power to end the war."

Dumbledore inclined his head. "The choice rests with you, and you alone."

"I can't just not fight."

Dumbledore remained silent, merely watching her with his twinkling blue eyes.

"Voldemort is evil, and merciless, and he's killing innocent people," Lily said, her voice surprisingly steady. "Raven is _dead_ because of him _,_ and I'm supposed to stand back and watch him kill again and again, knowing that I could have stopped it?"

Dumbledore smiled lightly. "Others could stop him."

Lily fell back into her pillows, her mind whirling once more. "I have to fight," she repeated.

"And you would be invaluable to us, should you choose to," Dumbledore replied. "But for now, I will leave you to rest." He rose from the edge of the bed. He smiled at her once more before he exited the room. "Thank you once again for your courage today."

Lily didn't say a word.

* * *

Lily stayed in the hospital for a week after Dumbledore's visit. She told Madam Pomfrey to keep away all visitors, and when Marlene, Mary, and Sirius snuck in two nights later, she pretended to be asleep. Marlene and Mary returned twice, but she didn't see Sirius again until several nights later. He perched on the end of her bed, alone and apparently undeterred by her refusal to move or open her eyes to acknowledge his presence.

"Red," he said, and his voice was sharper than she expected. She didn't move.

"I know you're awake," he added, and there was real anger there now.

Lily still didn't move.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked coldly when she didn't respond. "What did they do to you to make you shut us all out? Yell at _me_ all you want to, Evans, but you hurt James, and he doesn't know why. None of us do."

Lily felt that sharp ache again, the pang of guilt that she hadn't been able to shake whenever she thought about James.

"You owe him an explanation, Evans," he said, and his voice sounded downright dangerous. "James didn't deserve that. He loved you, do you understand that? He loved you and the one thing that he was terrified of, above all else, was of you changing your mind. You led him on like a lovestruck puppy and he allowed himself to hope for the first time in years. And then you pull _this,_ Evans, and do you have any idea what that did to him? And yet he's still worried sick about you. Because that's what he _does_ , Evans! He cares about people even when they hurt him, and you did, Evans. You did."

Tears were stinging Lily's eyes now. Every word Sirius spat at her was like a physical blow, and she was sure he could see her shaking.

"James doesn't love me," she said, her voice low and hoarse, hoping against hope that Sirius was wrong.

Sirius actually laughed, a bark-like sound without a hint of real humor. "Is that what you think? Have you really deluded yourself that much? You should have seen him when you got captured. He was screaming at the top of his voice, shouting over and over that we had to go after you. He went out of his mind worrying about you, and do you know what it took to find you after that? Then he rushed into a battle with You-Know-Who him- _bloody-_ self without a second thought, all for you. And you don't think he loves you?" Sirius shook his head, chuckling darkly. "Everyone can see it but you. Figures. Just figures."

"He can't," Lily said, and Sirius looked at her with withering scorn in his eyes. "He can't love me."

"Evans, what do I have to say…"

"No, I mean he really can't, because I can't love him."

Sirius froze, staring at her in sheer disbelief. "No one believes that either, Red. You've been pining for each other all year, and everyone can see it."

Lily shook her head again, all the energy drained from her body. "No, that's not what I mean. I did love him, maybe, once," she admitted, and she wondered why she was saying this to Sirius Black, of all people. But she needed someone to understand, needed to defend herself, needed Sirius to know _why._ "But I can't anymore."

"Either you start making sense here, Red, or I swear on Merlin's beard…" Sirius began, furious, but Lily cut him off.

"There was a prophecy, when I got taken, and it was about me. It said I could decide the fate of the war, good or bad. I could end it, Sirius. But if I choose that path, then everyone I love will die by the time the war's over."

Sirius just stared, taken completely aback.

"Don't you see?" Lily said. "I'm too dangerous. He can't love me, and I can't see him, because if I see him, I won't be able to stop loving him. And I have to stop. I can't hurt him, Sirius."

"You already have," Sirius said mercilessly.

"I'm trying!" Lily cried. "I'm doing the best I can!"

"You chose the war," Sirius said.

"I don't…" Lily began, but Sirius cut her off.

"I get that. James would get that. We all chose to fight. But you don't understand, Red, you're hurting him _now_. What do you think James would do if you told him all of this?"

"He'd want me to fight," Lily said.

Sirius nodded impatiently. "But what about him?"

Lily looked up, confused. Sirius sighed dramatically.

"You know him, Evans. Do you think there is any risk James wouldn't take for you? For any of us, for that matter?"

Lily stared. "You mean I should just let him love me? Love him back? He would _die,_ Padfoot. I can't do that to him, you know I can't."

"He could die anyway," Sirius said. "We all probably will. Who knows who will survive this war? He's taking that chance for what he believes in, to protect the people he loves. And he would take that same chance for you. We have all looked an almost certain death in the face and accepted it. He could have been rushing to his death today for you, and he did it without hesitation. I won't speak for him, but you and I both know him."

"I can't force him to die for me," Lily repeated.

"Don't force him," Sirius said. "Let him choose. But you need to tell him. You're killing him already."

Lily dropped her head into her hands. "I never meant to hurt him."

Sirius softened almost imperceptibly. "Merlin only knows why, but all that poor bloke wants, has ever wanted, is to be with you. Give that noble moron the choice."

"You know what he'll say," Lily said, looking up at him. "And you would have me do that to him? To your brother?"

Sirius looked at her and for a moment, she could read the pain in his eyes.

"Look, Red," he finally said. "We've told him to get over you for years, and every time we thought he had, you'd do something that would push him over the edge again. And he would move on, he'd date other people, but he always kept coming back to you. And this time, when he thought it would stick with you two, I've never seen him happier. But then you told him to get out last week, and ever since, he's been out of his mind worrying about you. And he's just _broken._ He could live without you, but I know my brother and I know he wouldn't want to. And it is James' choice, not mine, and not yours, that matters. It's his life, Evans."

Lily was speechless. Sirius merely glared at the sheets on her bed. When she said nothing, he lurched to his feet. "Just tell him," he snapped, and vanished.

Lily stared at the spot where he had disappeared, her mind blank with shock.

It was morning before she reached a decision, but as the first rays of light stole into the room, she was certain. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Hello, everyone. Sorry this chapter took so long, and thank you so, so, so much to anyone and everyone who's still reading this. You guys are the best. I love you all. And the next update will be much quicker, I promise!


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